Borderline Dreams For Borderline Screams

I created a super quick survey to help aid in a research paper I am conducting for school. I would really appreciate it if anyone took a couple of minutes to answer these questions (literally it shouldn't take more than two minutes). All answers are anonymous and you would really be helping a girl out!! Thank you!

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/9PV6N76

Hi everyone! I was never planning on doing a reading like this but after I finished the last one I felt strongly pulled to try and crank this out by the 1st. Now, obviously that didn’t happen and this reading is out a bit late. That being said, I did do the actual reading before the 1st and all my interpretations are composed based off the recordings I took of the readings at the time so I have decided to keep it as an October reading instead of the next 30 days. Since we are already about a week into October you might already be seeing some of the energies I talked about emerging. That can help confirm that you have chosen the pile meant for you. Instead of crystals this time, it is going to be a pick a cat reading! I am going to be taking a look at your month of October, 2021. Because of this, it will not be a timeless reading but you’re always welcome to come back to it at the end of the month to see if anything was accurate. I’m going to be getting a general energy for your month as well as a brief look at the topics of love and relationships, personal and spiritual, and your career and finances for the month of October. I’m super excited and I hope you like it!

**disclaimer**

This is a general reading so it is important to use your intuition and discernment when receiving these messages. This reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace medical or professional help. All decisions are yours to make. You know your life best so only take what resonates with you!

The Piles:

Go ahead and pick the pile that you feel most drawn to. Feel free to meditate or take some deep breaths before choosing your pile if you need to or any other method that works best for you. It’s perfectly alright to be drawn to more than one pile, it just means that there might be messages for you in multiple piles. If you don’t find any messages that are resonating from any pile it just means I either didn’t pick up on your energies this time around or there are no messages for you at this time. When you are ready, scroll down to find your pile.

Pile One:Clay Cat

Pile one, the general energy I am picking up on for your month of October is one of heightened emotion with an energy of wanting and being able to move forward from an ending of a tough personal or domestic conflict. Spirit wants you to know that this tough issue is likely to be resolved this month and wants you to know that everything will turn out all right in the end. You may find yourself in a place where you are ready and want to move forward from this tough situation and now is your time. For your love and relationships in the month of October I am seeing a couple different messages. If you are in a happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship, I don’t think any of these messages are for you so if you are drawn to any other piles, I would suggest checking those out. For those of you in a relationship that is a bit more rocky, you might be wanting to work on the problems in your relationship but it is possible your partner may not be interested in putting in the same amount of effort as you. The five of swords is a very ego driven card so if you find your partner expressing that they do want to work on those issues, just make sure you are being treated with the respect you deserve and that there is a balanced give and take when working through these issues. If you are single, it’s possible that for the month of October you are really focused on work instead of relationships. It’s also possible that you might be interested in someone at this time and you’re waiting to see where it will go. If you are single, spirit is also asking you to take a look at the ways you might be self sabotaging potential relationships through any negative behaviors and thought patterns you may have learned in order to keep yourself safe. Spirit understands you want to protect yourself, as you should, but you may be isolating yourself and/or pushing others away by refusing to open up and be more soft and vulnerable. For your personal and spiritual life in October I am feeling a strong energy of feeling comfort and having confidence in your intuition. I see you might really be embracing your sensitive side this month and spending time around people you love and celebrating things that are important to you and you are grateful for. You might be in an energy of really nurturing and caring for yourself as well as being gentle with others. You might really be embracing your emotions this month and spirit is asking you to be open and communicate your feelings to others. For your career and finances in the month of October I am sorry to say, I’m getting the feeling of feeling really disappointed or let down in this area. You might be finding yourself deep in a situation or project where you might be realizing this isn’t working for you or you are unsatisfied with where you are. Spirit is asking you to have some patience with this situation even though it may be hard. You might want to consider asking for advice from someone you trust and/or respect, as talking with them may help you clarify what you really want out of a career and help move you closer towards your goals.

Pile Two:Grey Cat

Pile two, the general energy I am picking up on for your month of October is one where you are starting to learn how to embrace the uncertainty that life brings and not letting that uncertainty stop you from making the changes or going after the things you want in your life. It’s such an exciting energy and spirit just wants to remind you to try and have a positive perspective about where you’re at right now. The specific message is “look at the bigger picture, where are you at right now and what is the the most positive way you can look at your situation at this time?” The energy I am picking up on for the love and relationships part of your life this month is one of security, stability, play, joy and success. I was getting such a warm and comforting energy from those cards it just made my heart swell. If you are currently in a relationship with someone I see the potential for you guys to be taking the next step to deepen or strengthen your relationship. It will look a little different for everyone because it depends on where you’re at with this person. Either way, I am getting the sense that they are someone you can rely on and someone that you have a lot of fun with and love for. For those of you who are single I am seeing that it’s possible you could meet someone this month that has the traits of being dependable and stable. This could be someone that is as dedicated to learning and growing as much as you are. Whoever this person is to you right now though, I get the energy that they are a stable, responsible, committed and loving person. For the personal and spiritual part of your life this October I am seeing an energy of really stepping onto a new path when it comes to where you want to go with your life. It seems that you might be in a place where you’re invested in making your life something that is meaningful and fulfilling. You may have even been putting in the work for a while and might start seeing some benefits from your commitment to growth this month. It’s a very heartwarming feeling coming these cards and I think spirit wants you to know that you can be proud of yourself. Even if those around you might not see or acknowledge the hard work you’ve put in, spirit does, they are so proud of you and they want to reward you for it too. For the career and finances part of your life in October I am getting the sense that you may be getting a little extra help this month. You might be getting paid a little more but the stronger message I am seeing is that this help will likely be in the form of guidance. You might be connecting with someone you trust or some kind of advisor to help you organize and develop the goals you have for your career. Spirit is encouraging this, so if there isn’t anyone reaching out to help you, you may have to be the one to reach out for this guidance. It will be helpful for you in the future to take the time now to create a routine and make your intentions clear for what you’d like this part of your life to look like in the future.

Pile Three:Striped Cat

Pile three, for the general energy of your month of October I am getting the feeling like spirit is starting something big for you. I see a lot of power and also a lot of change coming your way this month. There may be times where it is abrupt and it could be a bit uncomfortable but spirit wants you to know that it will lead you into something better. You may be in a strong energy of knowing exactly what you want and knowing exactly how to articulate it so that it works to your benefit. For your love and relationships this month I’m getting the sense that there might be a new beginning here. If you are single, especially if you’ve been single for a long time, you might be feeling really tired or concerned that you might not find the right person for you. I am also feeling like even though these feelings are there, you know that you want love and you’re not ready to give up just yet in your search. You might be finding someone this month that really sparks that passion and drive in you for a relationship. Spirit wants to remind you as well to try not to jump into anything too quickly if you are looking for a long term commitment with someone. The ace of wands passion can burn out quite quickly and if you have high expectations for something so new it’s possible that you may circle back into the tired energy if this new flame doesn’t seem to last. If you are in a relationship I am getting the sense that you may have been going through a rough patch with your partner and this month you might be reigniting the passion you have for each other, especially if you have been partners for a long time. You might be trying new things and finding what works best for the both of you. For the personal and spiritual part of your month I am getting the sense that there is a strong feeling of anxiety and uneasiness. You might be worrying a lot and possibly even losing sleep over the stress and general mental anguish you might be experiencing. You may be a highly sensitive person or an empath and for whatever reason, this month may be especially hard for you. Spirit is just asking you to pay a little closer attention to who you are around and, if possible, to distance yourself or at least try to protect yourself from the energies of those around you. It might be helpful for you this month to take some time to create. Depending on what you’re interested in it may be helpful to spend time journaling, painting, creating music or any other form of art. You might even just need to take some time to yourself to rebalance yourself before going back out into the world. For the career and finances part of your month I am seeing that you might be getting some kind of evaluation that recognizes the hard work you have put in. A different message I am getting is that maybe you have been trying to find a balance in this part of your life or maybe you were weighing the pros and cons of your situation but either way, whatever decision you make will lead you to a lot of happiness and abundance for your future.

Pile Four:Rose Quartz Cat

Pile four, for the general energy I am picking up on in your month of October I am seeing spirit encouraging you to start something new. I am getting the sense that you may have been in an unhealthy and unproductive energy for a while and spirit is gently asking you to release that. Spirit understands how difficult it can be to break away from these energies and they are saying that they’re ready for you, you just have to take that first step. You won’t be alone in this either. I was really drawn to the image of Zero in the fool card, which indicates to me that there will be someone there to help you start this journey. For the love and relationships part of your month I am getting more messages for those of you who are single rather than those of you in a relationship. If you are in a relationship you might be in an energy of really tapping into your intuition. If something is feeling off to you, spirit want you to explore what those feelings might be trying to tell you. If your relationship is healthy, you might be dealing with a long distance situation or you’re looking for a way to rekindle some passion in your relationship. For those of you who are single I am getting the sense that you’re a really nurturing and caring person. You may have been attracting someone who is waiting for the right time to approach you or maybe you’re the one with your eyes on someone and are waiting to make your move. You might be feeling really excited if this is the case and spirit is also saying it’s okay to take your time. Spirit is asking you to keep being kind to others and to be inquisitive about their situations. Take time to really connect with your feelings and your intuition to help you make the decision that is best for you. For the personal and spiritual part of your month I am getting the sense that you may know that it is time for you to move forward. There may be a lot of sadness or disappointment associated with this realization, but it seems as though you know that you must. I get the sense that for whatever reason, the situation you’re in right now is not making you happy or serving your highest good. It’s possible you’re leaving an unhealthy relationship or living situation. For some of you, you may be physically moving or traveling somewhere new. Whatever the case, spirit wants to remind you to keep your mind as clear as your can so you can focus on dedicating your mind towards working on the goals you have set for yourself. You are ready. For the career and finances part of your month I am getting the sense that you’re coming to an end here in one way but you might be starting something new as well. The strongest message I am getting is for those of you who may have normally worked alone in the past, you might be starting to work more with other people this month. I’m getting a sense that you have put a lot of work into some kind of final project and once that is finished, it’s time for you to move onto something new. If you are starting to work with others spirit is suggesting that you take the time you need to make your expectations, intentions and goals clear to others in order to create a stable foundation for this partnership to work out smoothly.

Thank you so much for checking this reading out, I want to thank your guides and my guides for giving us these messages and guidance and for protecting me in the process. My heart goes out to all of you facing tough energies this month, I know how difficult they can be. Please let me know if these messages resonate or if you’d like to, come back at the end of the month and let me know how accurate it was. If you enjoyed this reading and it resonated please like and/or reblog so these messages can find others. Thank you again and love and peace to you all ♥️

It’s time for our next pick a card reading! Today’s topic is “what were they thinking/feeling the last time they saw you” I have been really excited to post this reading because I think it can be relevant to all kinds of different relationships. You can apply it to a love interest, family member, friend, acquaintance - you name it! The main chunk of this reading will be focused on the person you are thinking abouts feelings and thoughts the last time you saw, spoke or interacted with them. There will also be a small section on what advice spirit has for you when it comes to future interactions with this person. This is a timeless reading so whenever you find this is wonderful and you are more than welcome to come back to the reading at a later time and/or if you want to ask about multiple people.

**disclaimer**

This is a general reading so it is important to use your intuition and discernment when receiving these messages. This reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not intended to replace medical or professional help. All decisions are yours to make. You know your life best so only take what resonates with you!

The piles

Go ahead and pick the pile that you are most drawn to using your intuition. You can meditate or take some deep breaths before choosing your pile or whatever method works best for you! It’s perfectly alright to be drawn to more than one pile as there might be messages for you in multiple piles. If you don’t find any messages in any piles are resonating it just means I either didn’t pick up on your energies this time around or there are no messages for you at this time. When you are ready, scroll down to find your pile!

Pile one:Chalcedony Agate

Pile one, the last time you saw or interacted with the person you are thinking of it seems as though they might have been dealing with a situation where either they were being deceitful and the truth came out, or someone was deceiving them and they found out about it. I’m getting the feeling that the last time you interacted with them they were in an energy of wanting to move forward from whatever that situation was. It was a painful situation for them but it seems as though they’re determined to make it through and learn from it. They may have been feeling like it was time to move on either from that person if they were the one being deceived or their own deceitful behavior. I’m sensing that they want to do what it best for themselves in regards to this situation. If they’re a spiritual person they might be turning more towards their faith to help them regain balance and control over their situation and their life. They want to change and grow into their own power. Spirits advice for you is to give this person some space. Spirit is trying to look out for you by letting you know that any communication or collaboration with this person is either being blocked right now or should be put on hold for the time being. This person is in a heavy energy of wanting and needing to follow their heart and do what is best for themselves and that may mean not being available to you.

Pile Two:Rose Quartz

Pile two, the last time you saw or interacted with the person you are thinking of, it seems as though they may have been in a bit of a mixed energy. If you are in a relationship with this person it’s possible that they were a bit controlling or emotionally manipulative towards you and were taking more than they were giving. They may have been struggling with their self esteem and making decisions for themselves in a balanced way. Because of that energy, it is possible that this person has lost something or they have removed themselves from a situation or relationship. It also seems as though they are just beginning to start something new, possibly related to their job or income. They have fully committed themselves to the start of this new project or situation and it is dominating their time right now. Whatever this new start is in their life I think they are recognizing their need to set aside their emotions and approach it from a more rational and logical perspective. Spirits advice to you for this connection or future interactions with this person is to pay attention to your own thoughts and feelings when you’re around them. It appears as though your cup is empty and you might be feeling sad or frustrated. Spirit is indicating that it is important to take some time to look within and that doing so will help you find a way to refill your cup and to passionately move forward with what makes you happy in life.

Pile Three:Blue Calcite

Pile three, the last time you saw or interacted with the person you are thinking of they may have been in a really sad energy. It seems as though this person was feeling really drained and defeated the last time you interacted with them. They want to keep fighting for a connection they’ve lost but they’re not sure how long they can keep going or if their efforts will pay off. They might have been feeling sentimental about the connection or this situation is bringing up memories from their childhood. This is an energy that might be taking a toll on their sense of security and stability. I think they might have also been recognizing that there is a need for them to look deeper into the situation that is causing them to feel these hard emotions or they might be looking for spiritual guidance to help carry them through this situation. Spirits advice to you for the next or future interactions with this person is to not be afraid to step away from the traditional ways of doing something and to trust yourself in your actions. They want you to know that your internal wisdom or intuition will help you determine how you would like to proceed when it comes to future interactions with this person. Spirit is also indicating that if you have something you have been wanting to tell this person, for better or for worse, now is the time.

I want to thank my guides and your guides for bringing us these messages tonight and thank you all so much for checking this reading out, my heart goes out to all of you. These piles were filled with heavy and complicated energies from the people you guys are thinking of and I wish you all well in your future interactions with them and in your lives in general. If you found that these messages resonated with you and if you feel called to I would really appreciate it if you could like and/or reblog so that these messages can find others. Peace and love to you all ♥️

Welcome to our first pick a group reading! Today I have messages from your spirit guides and/or spiritual team. If this is your first time seeing a pick a card reading, just pick the pile that your intuition is calling you to the most, then scroll down to find the pile you chose. It’s more than okay to be drawn to more than one pile, it just means you have more than one message. This is a timeless reading so the time you find this post is exactly the time you were supposed to. This is a general reading so it is important to use your discernment and only take the messages that resonate with you. If you don’t find any messages that resonate in any of the piles that means I either didn’t pick up on your energies or there are no messages spirit has for you at this time. If you find that these messages resonate please comment to let me know and if you feel called to, please reblog so these messages can find others. Without further ado, let get into it!

The piles:

Pile one- Amazonite

Pile one, you might be feeling a bit blocked, guarded or confused right now. Perhaps you got an unexpected message or maybe there was a situation that was supposed to be fun and exciting that didn’t quite match up to your expectations. You might be facing a decision right now that has a lot of facets you have to consider and you’re not quite sure where to go. Some of you may have even been through a situation recently that completely broke you. Spirit is asking you to take a step back to take the time you need to evaluate your situation and the options you have. They want to remind you that you are a powerful being and you have all the tools you need to manifest the things you want from this life. Spirit is encouraging you to step into your power, reflect and make the decision that is best for you. The worst is over and spirit has your back!

Pile Two-Lapis Lazuli

Pile two, it seems like you are in a really tough situation. There might be someone in your life who is causing you to feel a lot of heartache and pain. You might be feeling trapped in a situation that somehow involves this person. Spirit wants you to draw your attention to the way you’re being treated by them and how it’s making you feel. This person doesn’t have your best interest at heart. They might seem pretty stable and put together but they don’t have a lot of room for empathy. They might be someone who is highly esteemed in their community or workplace, or just generally successful. Spirit is asking you to be cautious and protect your energy. Ultimately, you know what is best for you and you can feel it in your body when someone isn’t treating you the way you deserve. Proceed with caution.

Pile Three-Sunstone

Pile three, It seems like you have been working hard to create abundance in your life, fighting to step into your power and build a stable future for yourself. In doing so, you may have become a bit defensive or disconnected from the emotional aspects of your life. You might be in a situation now where you feel stuck, like there is something out of your control that is stopping you from moving forward. This is intentional and spirit is asking you not to worry or give up. They needed to give you time to pause so that you can take some time to reconnect with your past and/or the people and things that you really care for. Spirit is asking you to touch base with your intuition and emotions to help bring some more balance to your life. The people you care for and who care for you can help you balance the work you’re doing. Spirit wants to remind you that you don’t have to do this alone.

I want to thank you for checking this out and also your guides and my guides for giving us these messages today and I hope they resonated and helped you in some way. Love and peace ☮️

i’ve been seeing a lot of topics like “how to deal with someone who has bpd” and it always bothers me, because there is basically no topics about how to deal if YOU have bpd. that’s why i’m making this post, in my opinion as someone who has bpd. feel free to leave other tips and comment!

buy a notepad and write about your emotions. in DBT (dialectical behavior therapy), used a lot to help people with BPD, they tend to help others to regulate their emotions, basing on some principles, like:

identify and classify emotions; usually, people with BPD suffered/suffer from emotional abuse and it makes harder for us to have a knowledge about our feelings, since we never had someone to help us in this aspect. if you have hard times dealing with your emotions, you can create a special organization on your notepad, basing on: what just happened that could be a possibly trigger to your feeling? (EVEN IF IT’S SOMETHING MINOR, for example, if your friend replied to you in a different way, if you saw an image that made you feel uncomfortable); what are your physical symptoms about it? (for example, if you feel butterflies in your stomach, you are possibly anxious); what does this feeling make you want to do? (for example, if you feel like you want to hit something, you are possibly experiencing anger). and, also, try to identify your primary and secondary emotions, for example, if a friend forgets about an event that you would go together, first you may feel anger, but this anger can be followed by frustation or sadness (secondary emotions).

how to “change” your emotions; after writing about your emotions and trying to learn about them, you can add a subject in your notepad about “WHAT CAN I DO TO CHANGE THIS FEELING”. your first thoughts may be pessimists, specially because borderlines are VERY impulsives, like “i should probably self-harm” or even “i should probably kill myself”, due to the intensity of bpd emotions, but right now, you have to think with your rationality. for example, if your friend is delaying to reply, you can think about the possibilities that are causing this problem: if they are busy, if they are having a hard time or if they just don’t want to talk right now. after thinking about the situation as a whole, you’ll ask yourself “okay, but what will i do?” and that’s why i think it’s important to create a list about what makes you happy and what distracts you, so everytime you have a hard situation to deal with, you can check on your list. “oh, i’m having x problem, but in my list it says that painting makes me happy, so what about painting something i saw today?”. if you don’t have anything that you like about, there is an app called Calm Harm, that can help you in self-harm situations!

increase and improve positive emotional events; i know that it’s difficult for us to focus on positive moments, but once you are feeling down, please try to write about what happened in your day that was a good thing. and when i say it, i don’t mean a BIG thing, it can be something like seeing a flower in your garden. write about your sensations when your experienced this moment and think about the possibility of living this moment more than once. for example, if i saw a flower and it made me happy, can i try to plant one, so i’ll see it more often?

apply pressure tolerance techniques; by distraction, self-care, improving the moment and considering pros and cons.

SO, in your notepad, have a space to: first, identify and classify your emotions; second, a space to write about how to change your emotions; third, a space to write about positive emotional events and fourth, write about what pressure tolerance techniqures you can apply to your life. 

practice saying no and saying what you need to the people around you; sometimes people with BPD tend to think that we are a burden to friends and family, and sometimes it’s not true. due to it, we often don’t tell what we really want. so, if you could, please, practice saying NO and what you REALLY need and want to people around you, even if it’s minor things. for example, if someone asks you to lunch with them, but you can’t/don’t want to, don’t let your abandonment fear decides what it’s the best for you, just say no, but not in the intention to hurt the other person. “i’m sorry, i really like you, but i can’t or don’t want to, since i have to do x thing/feeling x thing, but i really like you!”. when you say no, you can have a better idea about what you like and what you don’t, so you can start to let people know about it. for example, “hey! yesterday i said no when you invited me for lunch, so i realized i don’t really like going to public places, what about having lunch in my house next time?”

practice breathing techniques; intense emotions can lead us to panic situations or really bad physical symptoms. in stressing moments, we hold the air, increasing the level of carbon dioxide in our system, so the organism thinks we need more oxygen and make us breathe faster. the imbalance increases our heart beats, our blood pressure and the release of hormones such as adrenaline. i recommend ASMR videos to relax and you can breathe slowly, imagining a circle opening and closing, like the gif:

the post is getting long, so i’ll finish here! i’ll probably post a part two if you guys like! please leave a comment if it was helpful and i’m sorry if my grammar wasn’t very correct, english is not my native language.

As an individual with both chronic dissociation in the form of Depersonalization Derealization Disorder as well as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, or DPDR and ADHD, I had a lot of trouble getting a correct diagnosis. In addition to not fitting any of the traditional boxes associated with ADHD, very few therapists in my experience were willing to broaden their horizons of the possibility of diagnosis past what is considered “common”. Whether or not the condition was common didn’t matter; what really matters is the perception, whether accurate or not, that the condition has. This has led to years of confusion for not just myself, but many psychiatric patients looking to understand and live with the things in their heads.

It can take years to sift through the mess of things if you don’t perfectly check the boxes and this can lead to misdiagnosis and incorrect medication, which can be seriously detrimental. After all, psychiatric medications make changes to your brain chemistry. If you’re being given a medication that further imbalances that chemistry it can be quite a challenge to convince your psychiatrist that they may have been incorrect in their initial diagnosis.

I’ve written about this a bit before, namely in talking about what it’s like to be diagnosed with ADHD at 25 and in my journey of figuring everything out. What I haven’t written about, and what is harder to articulate, is the difference between inattention, healthy temporary dissociation, and a chronic dissociated state. There are also symptoms that overlap that are worth discussing as well.  Here, I will try to discuss these things, based on my own experience, to the best of my ability.

I'm reposting my art to this blog under the tag #secretladyspidersart