don’t kill yourself because the internet is going to be really funny when Elon gets assassinated

glad this resonated with all of the freaks i love you

was at a tattoo convention today and i saw a guy with a spider-man tattoo so i walked up and went ‘oh dude is that spider-man? badass! i love spider-man!’ and then looked down and realized i was wearing my shirt that says I LOVE SPIDER-MAN in big black letters. i’m a parody of myself

stop calling me a cartoon character or an npc or a wojack i am a real boy.

i love the concept of divorce lawyers. the only things in the world that have the power to undo your marriage are death itself or a special little boy with a law degree.

til death or some guy do us part

he wasn’t even the chosen one or anything he just woke up one day, got his sister kidnapped, made the gods acknowledge him, and killed ganon

It’s my personal headcanon that the reason windwaker’s sequels are so weird in terms of villains, is because this little bastard ENDED demise’s curse. Like the curse was that Demise would return with the hero and zelda over and over, and since this kid WASN’T a reincarnation of the hero he ended the curse by breaking the cycle through sheer big brother energy

I wish wizards were real so bad imagine coming out of a wal mart and seeing some guy with long robes and a big hat in the parking lot surrounded by wacky particle effects screaming some shit like "By the moon and the starlight, by the shield and the sword, I summon to me, my Honda Accord!" And then just getting into his car and driving off

breaking: lil nas x to rebrand as lil nas twitter