sofuckingimpulsive

I gave too much of myself again. I was rejected once more, no one cares or has any regard for my feelings. No one gives a shit about me, I'm not even disappointed I just feel ashamed and embarrassed. I'm so ashamed, I wish I can wake up as someone else but that's not possible. I give people too much of myself, and instead of them accepting me they humiliate me in the worst way possible, maybe i sound proud of what I've done when I come clean to them. I'm not proud, it's probably just how I talk, maybe I'm tone deaf. I'll never know why people knowing me more leads them to liking me less

I have this big empty feeling. I have a deep sense of dread because I'm alive. I've been contemplating suicide for the longest

Today I had sex w someone else. My body count is now 2, I recorded sex tapes with both of them, but they were deleted hopefully. The kind of relationships I want never last anyway so it's better for me to take a break and just be alone. I'm not patient and that's my biggest problem, I'm not patient enough to wait to build a connection before doing sexual stuff, and I can't help myself either because I'm gullible and I'm easy. That stops today tho, I'll never let anyone know me ever again, people never really want to know me anyway unless it benefits them. I'll always speak on hypersexuality, people will tell me im just a freak or I'm being dramatic and that it's hormones but I know what I feel and I know what happened to me. I can't erase my past mistakes because I've given important parts of myself to meaningless people. Anyway, no need to cry over spilt milk.

Im so annoying, I talk too much and drive people away and I always say the wrong things. People always get mad at me. Everyone is always upset with me but they don't think about how much of a toll this could take on me. I know im disgusting, I'm overly sexual and make conversations uncomfortable I'm sorry for always bringing up sex, I think I should kill myself soon. No one really loves me and I can't count on me to love me either

I should kill myself but I can't. I'm a coward, I wish I had a reason to stay

I never knew that if you sleep with someone that gives them a gateway to leave. Am I not special such that sex is the only thing they want from me? Do I not deserve a relationship too? I'll never let anyone touch me again, I feel so disgusted I trusted someone with my body and gave them my heart and they did what everyone else did and threw me away, am i that ugly? Do i not deserve love?

Fuck. I've fucked up everything there's nothing left for me, I'd rather just kill myself so no one knows me anymore. I feel like too many people know me and dislike me because they know me. The more you get to know me the less you like me because I'm so worthless

I'm sorry for being alive and walking on the same earth as you, I know I'm not important to anyone and I need to remind myself that to keep myself in my place, I need to stop looking for validation, I know people hate me. They think I'm strange and unusual and always leave me but I can't complain because its all I ever offer, it's all I can offer. Hypersexuality is an addiction and it's ruined my life since forever, I envy people who can form connections, I have sexual thoughts about everything and everyone but it's not that it's something I want to pursue it's just that my brain is wired to always think about sex so i do in the wrong moments. I know I'm disgusting and I apologise again