BOXSEATS

"Oh yeah. Box Seats did Nyan Cat." So says Box Seats member Ben Lepley, who has been making quite the series of claims lately regarding the ownership of video content on the internet.

"Yeah, and those videos of the babies - those are ours too." When pressed for specifics, Lepley replied, "All of them. All of the baby videos. Those are ours. The videos -- not the babies."

At the completion of a 72 hour interview with Lepley, in which he credited every video in existence to Box Seats, it was determined that Box Seats had garnered a total of 10.3 trillion views, easily making them the most successful video producers in the history of the medium.

Lepley was careful to give credit where credit was due. When shown the video of a trailer for this summer's blockbuster hit Men In Black 3, he said, "Oh, of course we didn't make MIB3. That was Columbia Pictures. But that video you just showed me on your phone? The one of the MIB3 trailer? We made that video."

After being shown a pirated video of the film Men in Black 3, Lepley replied, "Oh, we made that. The one you saw in theaters? That was made by Columbia Pictures. But we filmed the one that was the video you just showed me one your phone."

When asked how that was possible, Lepley only offered, "Storyboards." Then stared at the carpet beneath his feet, his jaw slightly slack. "I want a Sprite," he then whispered.

Matt Buchholtz, member of BOXSEATS.tv, is the 8,051st saint to be canonized. Rumor has it that members of the Vatican are pushing Buchholtz due to his appeal to a "younger generation" of Catholics. 

Box Seats was shocked today to hear not only that they were the stars of a Japanese Dating Simulation Game, but also that the game is selling like hot-cakes. Surprise struck again when they attempted to get money from the creators of Kissu x Kissu Box Seats!!! when they were shown a signed release from troupe member Matt Buchholtz. 

According to the game developer, Buchholtz signed away the rights during an autograph session at Pacific Media Expo, during the hustle and bustle. "All I had to do was tell him I wanted the autograph on the line." said game producer, Ichigo Uzimaki.

The game has been described as a "masterpiece of the genre" placing the protagonist in a new job at Box Seat's production studios. By choosing different dialog options, fun romantic activities open up, including trips to the arcade, eating thai food, going to the mall, and more.

"In one of the dating scenarios with 'Benimaru,' he actually said something I said on a date last night," said Lepley. "It kind of freaked me out." Game developers swear that the responses are based off of a revolutionary dialog programming algorithm, and not from listening devices planted in the boys' apartments. 

Like much of the smartphone crowd, Matt picked up draw something a week ago. He quickly found his friends through facebook, and quickly began his first rounds. An hour later, Matt checked his phone to find all of his games pending.

In what would later be pinpointed as the event horizon in Matt's Draw Something breakdown, Matt started twenty random games. Things were simple enough- Funnel, Lady Gaga, Sweden... It all seemed so perfect. After his lunch, Matt went back to work. 

bleep

Matt's phone sent a push notification, letting him know his turn had arrived for a game.

bleep  bleep

More games were coming in. It was fantastic. But how could he keep them playing? Soon, the perfect storm of average artistic talent and an undying urge to show off coerced Matt into making "intricate" drawings for all that played him. Lion King, RZA, Roadkill. Three star challenges were all he would do.

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

They were pouring in now. He had done it! But now he was behind. Forty-six games was a lot to keep up with when drawing like a kindergartner who had been dropped as a baby, let alone the "Van Gough-ish" "masterpieces" that Matt had set his standard to. Rhianna, Backflip, Tugboat, Sweden?

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

The first time he saw it, he chalked it up to error. But then again, another repeated word. Why were they coming back? Had he not done the word justice on it's first go-round? Should he have done better? Well, this time he would cut corners on his drawing, just this once...

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

His friends were getting better at the game, now, spending time on their art with their new color packs. Matt could often guess the word just by seeing the jumbled letters, but he felt obliged to watch the drawing through to completion to show that he appreciated their efforts. But there were too many games, and too many repeats.

bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  bleep  

The sound of Matt's mind breaking was silent, but in his head demons cried from the abyss with the faces of dead painters. He had to catch up. His art became minimalist. Floss was a blue line. A church became a red box. No supplementary images were provided. The answers were plain as day, the letters were right there! He needed more time. He began guessing words before paint touched paper. There was no mercy. No understanding. 

This was Draw Something.

Despite winning multiple "pretty" contests, BOXSEATS.tv member, the luxuriousness of Ben Lepley's dark locks was questioned today on fashion/style site, youtube.com.  The enigmatic style-trend consultant, xXxMitCosXxX posted the controversial post, "L's hair suck here. :/"

Sources close to Lepley have let us know that while he is saddened by the post, he respects the input. "He was wearing a hat, and crying into a bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red", said vegan, David Neale. "But he was watching Cowboy Bebop, so I think that he's looking towards the future." Neale, of course referring to the troupe's plan to make a parody trailer for a live-action Bebop movie this summer. With Lepley so hair-conscious, though, we'll have to wonder if Lepley will choose to appear onscreen.

In a show of true sacrifice, David has decided to only watch Naruto filler for lent, giving up the main anime plotline. While David may not be Catholic, he plans to dedicate his 40 days and 40 nights of filler to those less fortunate. Namely, those suffering from Bleach filler.

For those BOXSEATS fans not familiar with the term "filler," it refers to episodes of a series that do not have to do with the overall plot. Over recent years, Naruto has struggled to escape the parasitic grip of filler as producers push the series at such a rate that original manga material cannot keep up.

David plans on starting his fast by going back through all recap episodes, then moving on to his personal favorite "Ninja Ostrich" episode (Shippudden 181). Whether he plans on watching Gai Sensei's scavenger hunt is still unknown, but with 40 days, one can only assume he'll make it there eventually. 

Last week after renting the summer blockbuster "Thor" from a local Redbox, Ben informed Matt that he would return the DVD the next day so as not to incur any additional charges.

However, it was nearly a week later when Matt found the DVD under a pile of VHS tapes and XBOX 360 games that Ben had obviously attempted to camouflage his mistake with. Matt returned the DVD at a speed that would surprise a frost giant, but it was too late. On Matt's credit card statement, late charges popped up every twenty-four hours, each exponentially more expensive than the last. The charges obtained by the third day had reached six figures.

Matt attempted everything he could to set things right. He sold his 1990 Celica, opened a lemonade stand in front of the apartment, and even tried hosting a cheerleader carwash. Nothing was able to cover the Asgaard-sized debt that had been charged to his card.

David Neale tried his best to console Matt. "Hey, buddy... Have you read Jaeger Sketch?" he said in a late-night phone-call.

Eventually, it was decided that a federal bailout was the only option. After declaring bankruptcy via twitter last night, BOXSEATS.tv still has yet to hear whether they will receive government assistance.

Box Seats was thrilled to screen their Death Note parody, “Death-A-Sketch,” and host a Q&A at the Pacific Media Expo! Held at the prestigious LAX Hilton, their panel, "Anime & Comedy," brought out Ben, Matt, and Michael Legum (who played Matsuda in “Death-A-Sketch”) for a fun afternoon with fellow anime fans.

That's the polished version, guys. Let's cut the bullshit. You want the dirt. You want the dark, gritty, inside scoop.

Well, I'm here to dish.

(NOTE: FOR THE REMAINDER OF THIS BLOG ENTRY, PLEASE READ WITH THE VOICE OF YOAV GONEN, INVESTIGATE REPORTER - PLEASE CLICK THIS LINK FOR REFERENCE)

Sure. Things SEEMED fine. On the surface. But where was Box Seats' third member David Neale? Neale CLAIMS he was stuck on the 5 with a flat tire. But isn't it MORE LIKELY that he simply got high and overslept, due to his CRIPPLING MARIJUANA ADDICTION?

And why was Ben Lepley so distant and solemn at the panel? Where was his paper-thin front of a sharp-as-tacks professional? Lepley CLAIMS he was foggy due to lack of sleep. But isn't it MORE LIKELY that he had bungled yet another relationship DUE TO THE FACT that he is a clingy, obnoxious man-child?

And what about Matt Buchholtz? He could barely get three words out without releasing a lung-crippling cough. Buchholtz CLAIMS he was "under the weather," BUT CLAIMS ARE JUST THAT -- CLAIMS. METHINKS Mr. Buchholtz had inhaled some of MR. NEALE'S MARIJUANA SMOKE and couldn't get it out of his system. BUCHHOLTZ DOESN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT SMOKE IS. NEALE LOVES THE GANJA.

A dark picture has been painted indeed. And let's not forget Michael Legum's generous references to pornography during the panel, AND Box Seats holding an impromptu autograph signing session in a ROOM THEY HADN'T EVEN RESERVED, *AND* a COMPLETE disregard for frugality as they SPENT OVER $60 ON A CONTINENTAL BREAKFAST AT THE HOTEL'S RESTAURANT.

As another "fun summer" comes to a close, Box Seats member Ben Lepley has once again become despondent and withdrawn, spending his days under his covers and listening to one long, unbroken loop of the 1989 hit ballad "Toy Soldiers." At present moment, fellow Box Seats members Matt Buchholtz and David Neale cannot calculate a projected end date to this loop. "There is insufficient data," said Buchholtz.

But insufficient data has not prevented Neale and Buchholtz from hypothesizing as to why Lepley is in his current state. "I've noticed an annual pattern," Neale elaborated, "With the arrival of autumn, a season that brings with it the ghostly images of Halloween and the massive die-off of leaves, Ben seems to sink into a vacant-eyed realization that he too is mortal, and that his 'number is coming up' like the rest of us, so to speak."

  "There's a new year around the corner," Buchholtz continued, "And that new year brings Ben, essentially, a year closer to his demise."

The pair went on the explain that Lepley has spent entire autumns under the covers before, listening continuous loops of Wang Chung's "To Live and Die in L.A.," Kate Rusby's "Drowned Lovers," and the traditional Irish piece "Paddy's Lamentation."

Recently, Lepley was coaxed into attending a Box Seats writing session. Still under his blanket, he pitched several sketch ideas, including one where a lonely shop-keep "ages to Martika's 'Toy Soldiers,'" one set in an alternate timeline during the Great Depression, where Martika's "Toy Soldiers" has been sent back in time on a wax cylinder to be listened to by the poor, and one where Martika plays a "widow who sings 'Toy Soldiers.'"

With the success of Ben Lepley's Piranhas Have Taken Over the Waterpark Song, we have seen a few covers of the tune pop up on youtube! Hopefully with such amazing music backing him, Los Angeles Actor Steve Szlaga will finally get his dream role.

Shady Shadez - The Dance Version

and

Man, for some reason today I am tired. It's like seven o' clock in the evening and I have two Mountain Dews in me, and yet, I'm really, really tired. I got into work at jxfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Am I a dream? aM i gonna write this for homwork? I hav to write for hoimwork and the teacher get tweo teachers.

LOK OUT BEHIND! FRANKENSTEIN!

Glad to save yoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo from frankenstein. I gotta finnish this homowrk, Mrs. SNYDER was always HOTTTTTTTTTT Am i a bonerer? SOemtimes. Right now Im top of the classes/  

Im Thristy, Mrs. Snyder. My boots make my feetssweat. I am writng this poemm for you:

JUMS

I WRote it becas i Am in love on you Mrs. Snyder. 

LOVE,

SDAVID

now the hoemwork

                                                                                                                     David Neale

                                                                                                                     3/8/1998

                                                                                             RObinson Ranch Elementary

He's signalling "okay."