Quietly Exits

if you met your f/o after transitioning, whether socially or medically or simply having come out, they’re very proud of you for all the changes you went through and for all the work you’ve done to be secure in your identity - regardless of whether you feel like you’ve done anything to merit that pride or whether you feel like you’ve barely changed. they’re proud even if you just said the words “i’m trans.” that’s all you need to do.

for those of you who met your f/o before transition (once again of any kind) and have stayed with them all this time, they’re really honored they could be there during such an important time for you. their understanding of your gender having to change could never preclude them from loving you, and they’re surely proud you’re coming into yourself no matter how many roadblocks you face. the “old you” may very well already be an unfamiliar face to them by now.

for those of you with trans f/os, they’re of course really glad to be with another trans person who understands them! there’s something very special about the connections trans people forge with each other and they’re glad they can forge that kind of connection with you.

for those of you with cis f/os, they love that you’re trans. they would never judge you against other cis people - your transness isn’t a deficit and doesn’t make you lesser, and they’re happy to celebrate that part of you with love and respect.

* Because they provide a safe outlet to explore what motivates people to behave badly.

* Because a powerful, angry character can be cathartic to someone who is traumatized.

* Because they often have traits that neurodivergent and LGBTQ people can relate to because those traits have been used as shorthand for evil in media for years.

* Because they add stakes, depth and excitement to a story.

* Because they’re not real.

Imagine your f/os thinking your happy stims are just the cutest thing. When you flap your hands or rock back and forth out of joy or excitement they just want to scoop you up and kiss you right there.

Imagine that they begin to take you into their lap and rock you back and forth when you’re upset because they know you stim as a comfort.

Imagine them trying to discourage negative stims like hair pulling, skin picking etc and trying to replace it with something different. Whenever you get nervous of frustrated, they’d grab your hands and take them in theirs.

“Here, squeeze my hand instead okay?”

The look reminds you that they’re bad. They’re devious. They’re dangerous. They’re evil.

But despite this, you know you have nothing to fear from them. They want to protect you, they love you dearly- if you asked for the world on a platter they’d reign hell to give it to you.

There’s something about that look. For all the trouble it can cause, their expression holds worlds of affections for you.

your f/o will ALWAYS support you, no matter what. you’re having a rough time with dysphoria?

-they will make sure you have clean comfort clothes

-they’ll gush about you using euphoric terms

-they’ll call you nicknames that make you feel better

-they’ll ALWAYS correct people when they slip up on pronouns

Anybody any advise for me? Thx!

But on the flip side I think it’s important to remember that the universe and your state of being, is neither stagnant nor predetermined. Life is change, and you can’t predict your future. If somewhere along the line you fall in love and they love you back, then you’ll be in love, and your concerns about the situation will be different. If you never meet the right irl person, or realize irl relationships just aren’t for you, but you’re still happy and at peace with your F/O, then you’ll be happy and at peace with your F/O.

I think the state of mind you take is just as important as the choice. I know you’re aware you can change your mind, because you said so, but It might seem like less of an intense decision if instead of saying “i’m doing this because I don’t think anyone will ever love me, and I don’t want to abandon my F/O.” You say this to yourself, “I’m choosing to be with my F/O right now, because they’re here right now, and they love me.” It changes it from a ‘i have no options’ decision to a ‘this is my choice’ decision.

This is something I’ve thought about too, so I hope my point of view helps you, sincerely. And, as a parting note, something I wrote in my poetry journal a while back on this subject:

“If I only ever share my love with the people in my dreams

(idea courtesy of @bitweird1, hope you like! I’ll also go into a few seperate aspects of it bc it’s so different for everyone)

- accidentally repeat a conversation? f/o doesn’t mind at all and listens like it’s the first time!

- f/o won’t hesitate to gently remind s/i of things s/i forgot about, and they’ll insist (truthfully!) they aren’t annoyed by it. Because that’s just how s/i is and they love s/i for all they are!

- f/o will notice if there’s any stim toys that catch s/i’s eye, and get them for s/i as little surprises

- hyperfixation time for s/i? There’s nothing f/o likes more than to listen to them infodump! Even if it’s something they’ve talked about before! F/o will get really into the conversation, asking all sorts of questions.

- they’ll probably get into the same thing too!

- got rsd? F/o will always talk about how much they love you, especially if they notice s/i’s been getting hit by it lately

- got executive dysfunction? F/o will find ways to encourage s/i to start or continue tasks

- if s/i likes weighted blankets, f/o will sometimes lay on top of them to act as a blanket. Cuddles? Yes. Pressure stim/grounding? Yes.

- if s/i doesn’t want physical contact, f/o is more than happy to just chill next to them!