I Would Die for You

If you’re reading this and you want juicy details and sordid affairs, you’ll be sorely disappointed. Consider this just, like, an open letter to anyone who cared about me and this blog personally.

I hope you’re doing well! As I said above the read more I’m doing very well - I’ve graduated college, I’m going to graduate school to do research in my special interest, and I have wonderful friends who love and support me. I’ve started medication that’s immensely improved my mental health and stability, and I’m happy with where I’m going in life. I recently got my permanent disability parking placard and a new custom mobility aid which is very exciting for me since it will reduce my pain and hopefully increase my spoons to do things I love like hiking and art!

That said, I stepped away from active use of this blog for quite some time, and while not wholly the reason I’ve stepped away, there were a few incidents that’s have…not necessarily ruined self shipping for me, not at all, but they did put a bad taste in my mouth. I just want to get it off my chest, y’know? The people involved in these incidents were either rightfully upset that I overstepped a boundary or well meaning but confused individuals - I bear them no ill will and I hope they’re as happy and fulfilled in life as they can be.

The first incident was fully my mistake - I reblogged what was meant to be a personal post intended for mutuals only to this blog under the impression that it was self ship related. Unfortunately, with how many people follow this blog and the fact that it was in my queue and posted after I had fallen asleep, it wasn’t until the next day that I realized my mistake. The OP was understandably upset - both that a personal post had so many notification and that it was being treated as self ship material. I apologized, deleted the reblog, and contacted as many blogs as I could who had reblogged the post asking them to delete their reblog, but it was still a very stressful situation that further increased my existing reluctance to interact with other self ship blogs.

The second incident was a case of mistaken identity. I originally made this blog kind of out of spite - a self ship blog with a similar url had at the time been revealed to be run by a queerphobe. I, being queer, made a blog with a similar url sort of as a ‘fuck you’ to a blog I had previously enjoyed visiting for self ship content. Unfortunately, picking a similar url resulted in at least one person mistaking me for the queerphobic self ship blog. They made a vague call out post and tagged me in it - so I was able to reach out to them and explain the situation before that post reached very far at all. They were very apologetic and while I appreciate that, it did stress me out that other people might see my url and associate my blog with the bigot who ran a blog with a similar url. I have a strong aversion to changing my blog urls/themes/etc. (the autism is strong in me) so I never had the heart to change my url in spite of this potential recurring issue.

At the time of the second incident I had just barely gotten back into actively running this blog, and it just felt like the straw that broke the camel’s back. So I stepped back for quite a while - as you can see from last year’s annual pride month reblog haha - and I have fallen out of public self shipping personally. As a result I just do not have the motivation or the investment to continue posting self ship content - and I struggled for a long time to decide that it’s just too much for me, for something I don’t know I’ll ever feel the same about again.

I want to thank you - I’m assuming, if you’re still reading, you’ve been here a while and knew me when I posted actively in the community. I figured out that I was a lesbian here - that I was transgender and didn’t have a pronoun preference - and you were nothing but supportive and welcoming. Thank you for all the good memories - the ask games, the writing prompts, the positivity and the community you shared - I will not forget the good times I had here. And I hope you have some good memories of my time here to remember me by.