boxley's ASKBOX

aka "How to Cancel a Trans Girl", an essay about the tactics transmisogynists use to ruin their victims' lives framed as a satirical how-to guide.

i wrote this last year, but i've been reminded of it recently, and it remains relevant. you can read it on my website:

but ive done about all thats worth doing here for now.

you have made it clear you will not respect my boundaries or emotions.

ive told you everything you deserve to know.

boxley likes to end his messages with a stand-alone sentence about how bad i am / how disapointed he is

the anon I called out ends the message with 'shoddy work' and the last call out post ends with a 'im disappointed' -- as an example

anyway, if yall want to read boxleys -- and others scene in pretty much full, we put it on this page

im going to stop being kind. you are a truly loathesome person in how you lie about your own words and standards and refuse any courtesy to people you disagree with.

i cannot make it clear enough how you are not helping me and not at all having my permission to post and grossly mischaracterized logs of a roleplay scene involving me.

i have a question for you, of the several people you posted logs of on your website, how many of them gave you permission for their names and identities to be used in service of that site? any? how many did you ask? did it seem important at all that you do that? did it seem possible to you that they had perspectives that did not agree with you?

you seem to have no shortage of logs to pull from and yet despite all this you still act as though you umderstand my situation better than i do, to the point where you will ignore and invalidate my boundaries. why? do you beleive im not capable of understanding what is happening and thus my boundaries are inherently invalid?

over and over you seem to find nothing but the nearest easiest possible excuses to not care about who you discuss, to invalidate their boundaries and gloss over their emotions as manipulation.

when i was speaking to the user edqey, we got along okay, they seemed to tell me information about their experience in the servers (for example stated that someone by the name of vera scened with them, and that they were specifically told a lot that they werent a good friend). i was interested in this because i dont know vera well and if it was a scene without consent i wanted to know about it, same for if it was a scene that caused dissociation. i LITERALLY cannot recall much of what was said because the group dm i was in with edqey and their partner was either deleted or i was removed from it, so i will skip the meat of what all else we spoke about, but while screenshotting things edqey said to forward to pengo and glip, as i said i was having a difficult time speaking for them and would much rather prefer to be in a dm with those two as well (so i wouldnt be brushed off as doing things like fucking "mindlessly defending glip" when talking about glip's art that they drew with their hands, hopefully) and edqey was stating stipulations. glip did not like the stipulation of "you must get therapy" because it was coming from someone who was willing to tell them to kill themself, firstly, and secondly glip didnt see a need for therapy as their last experience(?) with a therapist involved the therapist siding with marl and glip doesnt see a need for it at the moment. they did however say that if edqey's partner wanted to talk without edqey theyd be willing, pengo was still willing to talk to both.

vera showed up in the conversation and noted that edqey was similar to someone they confronted, starting from the homestuck icon and the fact vera remembers everyone who liked homestuck in the servers, and when vera pulled this person AND the conversation that was likely being recalled as a "scene" AND the dissociation comment AND an entire google drive folder of talking to this person COMPLETE with the main topic of discussion being that the person was being a bad friend everything lined up to everything edqey told me, so i asked edqey if they were this person.

the reason i asked this is because knowing this would change how i interacted from then on. i was deeply uncomfortable with what i saw spurring on the discussion and one of the people their behavior affected is still in the community. this, and what they were calling a scene wasnt a scene. scenes are indicated by planning in advance and a /jointest beforehand. these werent present. it was a talk in disassembly. i wanted to ask why they were calling this a scene, genuinely, because i was confused.

i admit i communicated poorly from here, we used tumblr dms from then on, my tumblr dms dont update in real time at all. i need to manually refresh to see what someone sends to me and i tend to type for a long time. it troubles me to go back through our logs, so im going to really quickly state that A. yes it does bother me when someone keeps pushing a racism issue that isnt present. i spoke to insom, actually, directly, he is not black. glip likening ideas around rape to a black man is not racism, 1 because black men can rape people 2 insom isnt black 3 source is that i am black hispanic and everything rina and edqey pushed in this regard made me deeply angry and offended, this and i have been abused by people who shared the same race and ethnicity as me, and the exact issue of "um you cant say a black person did rape" is why i never spoke about things that occurred to me, and is an issue that plagues black communities CONSTANTLY. and B. yes it does bother me when i bring up my experience and how it relates to my feelings and someone makes fun of me for it. especially someone presumably ~10 years older than me who ive been trying to engage sincerely despite literally fucking everything and theyre expressing violent ideation towards me and a lack of empathy. and C. i think it is strange to be defensive over what a minor sees or talks about but then openly claim to not have empathy for said minor and then threaten them

yeah so thats actually why i feel unsafe at the moment. i tried going around talking to others about thus but i cannot shake the feeling that it isnt enough. i dissociated while speaking to edqey in tumblr dms, and this progressed to be bad enough that i literally needed to ask people if i was actually threatened or if i was overreacting. luckily due to the fact i needed to ask this i have the screenshot of the threat and why i havent stated who edqey was or why they made me uncomfortable/concerned/why i wanted to be sure who they were

i may state this information later anyway. i feel it is unfair not to. it is unfair to me that i have to feel quiet because someone doesnt want their 4 year old dirty laundry looked at even though they keep saying "they changed :(" even in the same breath as saying shit like "my girlfriend might turn against me but luckily has a history of not being easily swayed" or whatever the fuck. it is unfair to me that i went through all the shit i went through for a document explaining how the servers fit into the cult label that is based in assumptions not only about the servers but also ME that i cannot work with because a lot of it is not currently applicable due to the fact that scenes are massively rare occurrences and the servers each have a focus on roleplay and collaborative storytelling, and not whatever it was focused on before, which i dont have experience with because i wasnt there, or is about rina, whom i am uncomfortable talking about for personal reasons (i have never spoken to rina, its just that a lot of things around rina make me uncomfortable, and her actions do too)

and i cant even talk about why i cant address any of these things

and this makes me feel like shit because i showed up to address things sincerely and earnestly, as someone who has been accused of being in a cult due to my upbringing around haitian voodoo in the past

i feel like my thoughts, feelings, and emotions, which are normal for anyone else to do, such as get frustrated when a conversation becomes personal or tedious, or dissociate or otherwise act strangely, are scrutinized as if im not worth the same compassion or consideration because im suspected to be in a fucking cult.

this is a long disorganized, 3 am tangent, but i encourage it to be read. and also acknowledged as a 3 am tangent

i have a specific question for you that’s been on my mind lately. 

why do my boundaries not matter to you? 

i have respected your boundary clearly, i have made no attempt to privately message you, though you accuse me of not caring about it regardless.

when i approached you making this blog my one and only request was that you do not use me as ammunition to hurt people i care about and you have thus far only made excuses for your behavior and refused to back down on that specific issue.

you have made many assumptions about me and people im close to in order to excuse your behavior. 

you have carelessly openly speculated about my mental state, and used that speculation to ignore and override my words.

you do not know me, you specifically are avoiding getting to know me because of your set boundary, and yet you believe it is still appropriate to speak over me.

i have been accused of ignoring other people’s testimonies. i want to be clear i am talking about my own situation and no one else’s.

why should i believe you are capable of fairly approaching anything when you are evidently determined to not take my boundaries and my testimony seriously?

why are you so comfortable with making so many assumptions about me at the same time as refusing to communicate with me on any direct channels? if you are serious about your boundaries of not wanting dms with me then the thing to do is avoid making massive assumptions and speculations on the barebones evidence you allow yourself to have. you have not done that. i have requested that you do that and you have actively refused.

you’re an adult and i know you’re not that stupid, or do you just think I’m stupid? why do you think that ‘respecting’ a boundary means nonstop bitching about said boundary. that is not respect to a boundary, that is an attempt to annoy / shame / guilt me into allowing you to violate that boundary. because you know that otherwise messaging me privately will just leave you left on read. this will not work, and i recognize it for what it is.

answer my question.