時代の旅人

sin·gu·lar·i·ty

/ˌsiNGɡyəˈlerədē/

noun

PHYSICS•MATHEMATICS

a point at which a function takes an infinite value, especially in space-time when matter is infinitely dense, as at the center of a black hole.

—a phrase that is originally derived from mathematics and describes a point which we are incapable of deciphering its exact properties. It’s that place where the equations basically go nuts and make no sense any longer.

dream

/drēm/

noun

a cherished aspiration, ambition, or ideal.

For the majority of people, a dream is something that they want to achieve. As absurd as it is, but it still has a chance to become a reality. It was realistic in the first place.

For me, I interpret dreams a bit differently. Imagine that your life is a straight line. That was the reality. That straight line is a reality. Dream is when that line starts to make a branch. The alternatives.

The what-if scenario.

This scenario is more than often haunting my mind. As curious as it might be, my mind perpetually tries to project those scenarios into a marbled reality. A pointless effort to reality-test something that has never become a reality.

Speaking about probability, by theory it was not zero at all. Near zero, perhaps—but if it is a reality then it only lies in a singularity.

At this point, it is safe to assume that all my dreams and desires only lie in a singularity.

So why do I keep walking on this straight line? Well, for that question to be honest I have no answer yet. Someday, perhaps.

放浪者の日記 // Journal of a Wanderer

For me, living an introverted life more than often is painful but at the same time gave me opportunities for doing extraordinary things.

With a very few or even nobody to talk to about my problems, self-talk always became an option—so often until it became a habit and most of the time happened unconsciously.

Self-talk helps me to build focus, do selective input and to a certain extent; creating a mind-projected world. Sounds as crazy as it seems, but that is what I do: creating a Reality Marble.

Borrowing the concept from FATE franchise:

Reality Marble ( 固有結界: Koyū Kekkai/ Innate Bounded Field) is one that centres around the materialization and projection of one's inner world onto reality.

Or Domain Expansion; the one with similar concept from Jujutsu Kaisen:

Domain Expansion (領域展開: Ryōiki Tenkai) is an advanced Barrier Technique that manifests the user's Innate Domain and traps their target inside it using a barrier wall to create a separate space.

The main idea is creating a separate; isolated world from reality as a manifestation of mind projection. Of course if compared with its anime counterpart, my version does not manifest into physical reality but stays in my own mind. But yes, I cut the connections with reality and the surroundings, and allow only a few inputs (e.g: visual, auditory or olfactory).

From outside, people would look at me as a responseless figure, staring blankly into spaces. But inside, I actually create an infinite space for me to do something without a distraction.

Of course it didn't happen overnight. It took year after year; countless self-talk, self-reflection, inner battle and contemplation after I was finally able to perform it. Still need fine tuning but for now I think it’s quite handy.

The only drawback is it takes a lot of energy, so most likely I got physically and mentally exhausted after.

So, if any of you just called me and got no response, perhaps I’m wandering aimlessly somewhere and get lost in my own mind.