Congratulations! You're Toxic!

there’s nothing wrong with darting out from behind a parked car into traffic

they added another luftballon while you were sleeping

physically incapable of being upset by being rickrolled. if it’s well executed i get to engage in the playful wink-nod with the jokester. and if it’s obvious. well then i just get to see my beautiful friend rick astley

what they DONT tell you about clarinets is that you have to fucking build the damn thing every single time. "what instrument do you play" fucking legos man idk

about build clarinets damn do DONT every fucking fucking have idk instrument is legos man play" single tell that the they thing time. to what "what you you you

I really need to start reading the blog name because I thought I was having some sort of moment right there.

a baby at work the other day gave me the meanest look i've ever seen as it got lifted out of a cesarean. 1 second old and already hating. you can't teach that.

I appreciate the way hitting the word "cesarean" forces me to go back and reevaluate the earlier phrase "at work"

All fantasy authors wish they had a bigger bathtub in their house. You can tell by every bathing scene ever written into a fantasy novel

tragic! trans person no longer merely tolerating the act of existing just now realising their entire wardrobe is ass

You can tell a lot about a person by entering their mind palace and encountering their greatest fears and darkest hopes in a labyrinth reflective of their subconscious thoughts.