Bottle It Up

NAME. Nimet Mataraci AGE & BIRTH DATE. 4666 & Fall of 2642 BCE GENDER & PRONOUNS. Female & She/her SPECIES. Demigod ( Hollowborn ) ABILITIES. Amalgamation & Soul Reading OCCUPATION. Owner of the Opera House, Professional Singer FACE CLAIM. Cagla Demir

biography

( tw cannibalism allusions, body horror ) First memories are never concise, glimpses of the world that cannot be processed but—

Nimet remembers the singing. 

She will never forget the singing. 

There is an ever present melody in her life, the soft humming that permeates her world from the moment she can remember. Careful hands join the melody, gentle and tender as they brush against her and her first true memory is reaching to grasp for those fingers, the instinctive fear of the touch disappearing bubbling like a beast in her chest. 

It’s the first time she is ever afraid, but it isn’t the last. 

Nimet is raised amidst song and dance on the Fall Court, toddling after father’s footsteps and tripping over her own feet as childish glee bursts from her lips. The court is her world, comprising an eternal autumn, cat sidhe and pixies that flutter around her as she tries to reach for them, her father and his warder ever present, ever watchful. The evenings are spent on her dad’s lap, clumsy child fingers reaching up to try and touch the peppery kisses on his hair as she laughs and follows along his singing with vocals that are considered clumsy by fey standards but angelic by mortal ones. 

Her life is an eternal wonderland, one she wakes up in the most unexpected of ways. 

There is no hiding that she is a hollowborn, not with her faster growth than any fey children, not with her dad’s honesty. Nimet knows what she is since she can remember, not realizing that it makes her different, that it makes her dangerous. 

Until she is. 

There is an ever present desire sitting at the mouth of her stomach, a hunger she cannot explain, cannot get rid of. Once glance, a world of melodies blooms from a being's soul, a more measured look and she can grasp their nature, their personality, their weakness and beyond. It’s a beautiful symphony, calling for her, urging her to reach out and bring it into herself, to cradle the beauty and the music and make it hers without a care of what it would mean for another. 

She has always known that she can do it, too, that she can reach and swallow the world and become all she is not. 

Her father calls her a blessing, and she wants to believe that she is, but she sees the other fey children and doubts. 

Nimet sees their supernatural beauty, and finds herself lacking, she hears their melodious voices and finds her vocals clumsy and childlike in comparison, she dances with them and watches as they float through the steps while it takes blood, sweat and tears to be passable. 

She knows no grief, no cruelty, but she has always known the heady desire sitting at the mouth of her stomach. 

She wants and wants and wants and wants. 

She wants to be the blessing her father believes her to be, she wants to be as beautiful as her friends, sing as beautifully as them. 

Nimet wants to be good so very desperately, and the desire is all consuming. 

It’s ever present, waiting at the edge of her teeth, sitting on the back of her throat. Awaiting for the right time to manifest fully, this ever present hunger for more that will not stop until the world is swallowed whole, until she is everything she has ever dreamed, the flaws that prick like thorns smoothed out into the perfection she sees on those around her. 

The desire waits for an awfully long time, simmering and waiting for the right moment to be unleashed. 

It all comes to head on a funeral, like many things do. 

Grief had been a foreign entity for Nimet until then, mentioned and understood at it’s basic levels, but never truly comprehended.

Not until now.

Before her lies an empty body, one devoid of the melody that had surrounded her since she was born. Before her lies her grandmother, the woman that led her first steps, that cradled her limbs as she taught her how to dance, that told her stories of Eden and the world she had left behind. 

She doesn’t understand why she is lying so still, can’t. The first time death touches her life, the first time she feels Thanatos standing behind her, and it is one of the people dearest to her heart. It is a wave of grief she is not capable of understanding, an overwhelming tsunami that falls upon her like a lion on a gazelle. 

There is a body before her, ready to be lowered into a patch of carnivorous fungi. There is a body before her, about to be destroyed and returned to the Earth. There is a body before her, devoid of a soul but with potential that only she seems to see. There is the elegant curve of the neck that she has always envied, the few inches of height she had wished she had grown into  and the vocal cords that produces the most beautiful of songs.

The Fall Fey singing their mourning ditty around her only see what has been lost, but Nimet? 

She can see what can be gained.

The ever present hunger, the overwhelming desire, her desperate need, it strikes. 

Nimet moves. 

Desire unleashed, she moves as if in a dream, step purposeful despite acting entirely in instinct. No one stops her, not her father, not his warder, not the countless of mourners, thinking her a child unable to control her actions in her grief. 

They are half right, not knowing she is not about to throw herself at her grandma’s body and weep. None of them are prepared for what is to come, not even Nimet who had held the instinct to consume at bay when she had realized no one felt it as she did. Her Soul Reading is known, seen as a marvel and a gift, a blessing.

This?

This will be seen as nothing but a curse.

Nimet stands next to her grandmother’s body, looking down at her, face wiped from all tears and hunger manifesting as she reaches forward to place a delicate hand at her cheek and pulls, tugs at the thread of desire on her gut that had driven her forward and whispered at her to reach out and sink her teeth on the flesh before her, to consume and make it her own. 

Biting would destroy the delicate arches she wants to possess, though, so she keeps her teeth sheathed, despite the way her mouth salivates in need. Instead, the deliberate effort she puts into keeping her human form falls away and changes. Bones break, flesh shifts as she is connected to the corpse and envelops it into her own in a methodical, bloody pulse of flesh and tendons that swells and diminishes in a quick pulse, leaving Nimet behind. 

Leaving the new Nimet behind. Taller, more delicate, ears pointed and teeth sharpened just as her grandmother’s were. 

She opens her mouth and sings, reaching the melodic tones she had been unable to reach before and wants to laugh in glee, finally feeling like she can be the blessing she had been told she was. 

Her back is turned to the mourners, she cannot see the horror on their face, the disgust and fear that fills the features of those who she calls friends.

She cannot see the anger in Fen’harel’s face at her desecration.

But she will feel it.

Her world is taken from her after that, imprisoned and judged by the Fall Chancellor, exiled without remorse as she is told that her father had been wrong, that she is not the blessing he thought, but rather a curse that had befallen the courts.

Nimet doesn’t see her dad before she is sent out of the Otherworld, he does not meet her at the edges of the Court, too loyal to leave it all behind.

Someone else is there waiting, though, a reminder that she is loved despite the malevolent hunger sitting at her chest. 

Grieving, scared, desperate and afraid, Nimet takes her father’s warder hand and steps away from the Courts, knowing she will never see them again.

It’s the beginning.

It’s the end. 

She doesn’t see her father for a long time after that.

personality

+ Perceptive, Charming, Adaptable. - Anxious, Self-Indulgent, Envious.

(☞ﾟヮﾟ)☞ click on the source link of this post to find #105 gifs of çağla demir from episodes 39-41 of the television series kara sevda (2016), as well as the rules you must abide by in order to use them. all gifs included were made by me and are size 268 x 170. content warnings include: food/eating. an alternative zipped file download can be found on the page. ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜)

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