Let There Be Lonely.

What do people normally do when they have no friends in their life and need to talk about stuff/ ask advice

It’s obvious to anyone who has met me how much I love you and unfortunately some people use this against me and play on my fears and although you tell me how crazy I’m being and that it’ll never happen, the bad stuff always seems to sick around in the back of me head always there to make me feel awful with everyday events. Take today for instance instead of hearing what you said and thinking ‘oh, that’s ok he has family to see and he’ll come back soon to visit’ what I hear from that voice in the back of my head put there buy others playing on my fears is: 'yeah he has to see family (and that’s ok) but he won’t be back for a while. Why would he want to visit you?! He can do anything and you think he’s going to visit you? There’s a reason everyone’s left you. You’re nothing.

What I should have said was: I’m sorry that sometimes I come off as intense I don’t mean too and I wasn’t angry or upset I

thinking you where choosing seeing your family over spending time with me I just can’t help but have insecurities. Given my situation as you may understand I’ve been made to feel like I deserve all the pain I feel and I’m not worth anything.

I’m trying to work on it but as anyone who’s felt like this will know the bad stuff is hard to get rid of once it’s found a way into your mind.

I doubt you’re plagued with dreams, nightmares or a static state of living.

It’s not a competition but you win.

There’s a annoyingly accurate quote

“Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.”

That’s me! People say I’m doing well but I think ive just refused to accept it like it’s not happened and soon we’ll be back together and pick up as it nothing happened.

I don’t know what you’re talking about? No my boyfriend if 5+ years didn’t just up and leave me! No I didn’t plan on living with him and eventually get married. I don’t know what you’re talking about. *nervous laughter*

So yeah now it’s kind of hit me that he’s not coming back, he’s not changing his mind and he’s not picking up the phone so now here I am.

You know they're fast becoming my favourite band. How annoying is that?!

I know I've said it before but I honestly don't know how you're getting on? Are you ok? Have you moved on? Have you found someone else? Do you even think about me?

That's very neurotic isn't it? To assume you still think about me but I still think about you. I try not to, it hurts too much but I can't help it.

I found some more of your things and I don't know what to do. I don't know if I'm strong enough to see you again and not be flooded with emotion.

I don't know what to do and I would talk to my best friend but how cruel is it that that's you?!

Are you in a similar state? Are you hurting as much as me? Or at all?