bordering extremes

@borderlinetunes is inactive now but the blog consists entirely of songs that give people borderline vibes/feels!

Wanting attention and wanting people to like you is definitely not a bad thing. I know the lengths that we tend to go to get that attention and validation can be dangerous, but the act of wanting those things is not. Of course there's a negative stigma attached to wanting attention—we always hear about "attention seekers" and how manipulative they are, how deceptive they can be. Obviously we internalize that message and believe that it's true about ourselves, we believe that everyone is secretly annoyed with us or doesn't actually care. But that's not true, and you aren't needy or clingy or a bad person for the things you want/need. For most borderlines, receiving attention and validation is necessary for survival. You want it because it's a hallmark of BPD, but again, that doesn't make you a bad person at all.

I've heard similar accounts and seen similar actions from borderlines before, so I'm sure there is a connection (need for attention/to be liked, unstable sense of identity/self, etc.) somewhere!

This may or may not help, but I’ve been in the position many times where I believe that everything is my fault and people view me as the bad guy—many many many times. Something that helped me is realizing that I’m not really the center of everything. I mean, I’m hyperconscious of everything I do and how I act and what I say but people rarely, if ever, see things the way that I as a borderline do. So many times I’ve felt like I’ve ruined a relationship or a conversation only to realize that the other person barely noticed what I did. The bad things about you that you notice and hate and do, no one else really notices them. They don’t hate you, it’s not your fault, you aren't a bad guy. You’re okay.

Now, the term is not very popular in BPD communities. It tends to create a hierarchy of “good” versus “bad” borderlines, where quiet borderlines are considered the better of the two. Despite this, I do think it’s important that people know that acting “in” is a valid way to experience BPD. I might not support the same terminology and division, but I do support the idea that BPD looks different on everyone, and if learning about quiet borderlines helps you realize that you’re borderline yourself, I don’t think that’s a bad thing.

Here is a link to a similar question with some added suggestions by someone who was able to do stop someone from becoming their fp. Additionally, you may find that the tips for dealing with real, rather than perceived, abandonment might help you get over this loss. While I've personally dealt with imprinting on less than suitable fps, I've never been able to stop myself. But I know it's possible! I hope that you're able to get through this hard time and stop this person from becoming your fp.

I think that fear is a very borderline fear in and of itself! We constantly have to question these aspects of ourselves as part of our unstable identity and rocky relationship with our own perception of “me”. There’s nothing wrong or invalid with self diagnosis—I know it seems like the you don’t have BPD because of it, but even borderlines with a professional diagnosis feel the same, which probably means you are borderline if you think you are! That doesn't make you bad or wrong at all.