Living in the Middle

-

*the JLA holding a super important strategy meeting in the batcave*

Batman: -the main priority is to ensure the safety of the surrounding area even in the case of a fight, so we’ll have people stationed around the perimeter just in case. Hood, can you grab me the signal flares from the store room? you’re closest.

Red Hood, walking over: *grunts*

Batman: *continues to explain his plan as in the background Jason walks into the store room, pauses, and then promptly walks right back out*

Red Hood: *sweetly, from the doorway* Robin?

Robin: mm?

Red Hood: would you like to go into the store room for me? my darling, favourite brother-mine?

Robin:

Robin, eyes half-lidded: is there a spider in there?

Red Hood: maybe.

Robin, sighing in exasperation as he starts walking over: you really need to start trying to deal with these yourself, Hood. you can’t call me every time-

The Flash, watching Damian emerge with a small spider in the palm of his hand while Jason refuses to come out of the corner of the cave: doesn’t that guy chop peoples heads off sometimes…?

-

*Aquaman, on a mission with Nightwing and Batman, on a platform in the middle of the ocean*

Aquaman: if you have your rebreathers then you can follow me down, it’s not too deep a dive to the site.

Nightwing: *staring into the water* mhm.

Batman: *watching Nightwing in amusement*

Aquaman: …Nightwing, are you ok?

Nightwing, still staring: oh- hm? yep. yep, i’m good. i’m- yeah. lets go. lets do this.

Aquaman:

Batman: he has thalassophobia. he doesn’t like deep, empty waters.

Aquaman:

Nightwing: *staring down*

Batman: *faux shoves Dick forward, as if to push him in*

Nightwing, shrieking and jumping back: bRUCE- I TOLD YOU NOT TO DO THAT-

-

Superman: the victim’s in that room, if you need to examine the body.

Red Robin: got it, thanks.

Red Hood: so what actually happened to the guy?

Superman, as Tim leaves: well, it seems like the virus infects the mind and causes intense delusions. we think he was driven crazy and ended his own life. it’s… not pretty in there. he stabbed himself in the eye with a pencil.

Red Hood: *whistles* *pauses* wait. in the eye?

Superman: yeah. why?

Red Hood:

Red Robin: *slams out of the other room, falls to his knees vomiting*

Superman:

Red Hood, watching Tim calmly: yeah he’s got this thing about things in peoples eyes?

Superman:

Superman: really?

-

Green Arrow: shit, that’s a nasty scratch you got there, Bats. right across the eye, too.

Batman: *grunt*

Green Arrow: who’d you fight to get it?

Batman: Robin.

Green Arrow:

Green Arrow: Damian did that?

Batman: hn.

Green Arrow: …why?

Batman: he had a cavity and i had to take him to the dentist.

Green Arrow:

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

Green Arrow: wasn’t he raised by the league of assassins?

Batman: he’s scared of the dentist.

ten year old Tim Drake who already knew who Batman and Robin were, finding out he now has a secret tunnel in his garden connecting his house to their lair, and he’s just like ‘fuck yeah that’s cool.’ and starts exploring.

thirteen year old Jason Todd bored and fucking around alone in the batcave system when he comes across a fucking ten year old who knows his identity, clearly idolises the hell out of him, and is just kinda wandering around the cave system alone and completely chill about it. they see a super dangerous spider and Tim just starts info-dumping on the species. when asked if he has a curfew to go back home by he goes ‘uh, July i guess? that’s when mom and dad get back.’ it is early February.

thirteen year old Jason Todd who takes a minute and then goes ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

Jason Todd and Tim Drake being secret cave buddies. Jason Todd and Tim Drake hanging out in the tunnels and making fun of Batman and Nightwing from the shadows. Tim Drake who has to buy a whole new set of night-vision camera lenses for his new photo album that’s just photos and selfies of him and his new best friend Robin fucking around in the underground pitch-dark.

Jason Todd who dies, gets revived, is told by Talia that Tim Drake has ‘replaced him’ unknowing they’re already friends, and Jason who all he can think of is that time they played hide and seek in the cave system and Tim clung to the fucking ceiling via a stalactite for 45 minutes straight. Jason Todd who just looks at Talia and goes ‘yeah sounds about right for him.’

Jason Todd being told he has to deliver Damian to Bruce and he decides ‘absolutely the fuck not’ to the idea of even touching the front door. they have a Ring camera he is not getting caught on that bullshit.

Jason Todd who just goes to Drake Manor and uses Tim’s old entrance to get into the tunnels, his home away from home, dragging Damian along, until he gets to a spot where he can secretly signal into the batcave for Tim to sneak the fuck away.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who gets called into the tunnels to find the Red Hood, unmasked as Jason, presenting to him a random child which he declares to be the son of Batman.

fifteen year old Tim Drake who comes full circle and says ‘ok this is funny as fuck i promise i won’t snitch to Bruce.’

the cave boys are reunited. a third is added to the club. a new photo album is filled. when Tim brings Damian up through the tunnels into the cave he looks Bruce dead in the eyes and says fully straight-faced ‘this is your cave son. i found him wandering, he was born from the shadows of the bat.’

eleven year old Damian Al Ghul-Wayne who’s spent the past three and a half years under Jason Todd’s influence and sombrely declares ‘the cave birthed me for you, father. i am darkness. i am your child.’

Tim: i'll bet you anything i can shoot this elastic band into the roof of that convertible from here.

Dick: that's not even a challenge, you gotta do it from where Damian is across the street.

*connecting ping*

Jason: yo i see three people online, are we having a 4/4 main Gotham squad night?

Damian: yes, Father is off with the Justice League.

Jason: neat. i think i found a meta by the way, we might have to register him in the Batcave.

distant, angry male voice: I'M NOT A FUCKING META I'M A DAMN STAGE MAGICIAN.

Jason: hold on- shut up, i told you there was no way for you to know that was my card, so until you tell me how it happened in a logical manner, you are a meta and i will be keeping you tied up. -ok i'm back.

Distant male voice: i took an oath Red Hood, you cant keep fucking doing this! if it pisses you off that much then STOP COMING TO MY SHOWS.

Damian: aw man, again, Akhi? let him go.

Dick, amused and baffled: this has happened before?

Jason: 'm not letting him go, he's a meta.

Damian: he's not, though.

Tim: i seriously thought you were joking when you told me he had beef with a stage magician now.

Dick: you knew about this?

Tim: i- *sputter* i'd heard stories, i didn't think it was real.

Damian: hold on, i'm on my way over to you, Hood.

Jason: sick.

Damian: and I'm untying Clarance.

Jason: YOU CAN'T- HE'S A META.

Damian: I HAVE DNA TESTED HIM A THOUSAND TIMES NO HE IS NOT.

Distant male voice: how about- how about i do the trick again, Hood. so you can see it plainly.

*brief pause*

Jason: i'm not untying you, but sure.

*shuffling*

Distant male voice: -pick a card,

*cards flicking* *shuffling*

Distant male voice: put it back- this chain is way too tight, man. ok put it back, and you can shuffle the deck yourself.

*shuffling*

Jason: *annoyed grunt*

*silence*

Distant male voice: ...is this your card?

Jason: fuck you.

Dick, starting to laugh: H-Hood,

Jason: no- he's a fucking DANGER TO GOTHAM, SOMEBODY GET FUCKING MARTIAN MANHUNTER OR I SWEAR TO GOD,

Distant male voice: *forlorn* Hood this is the fourth time this month.

Jason: SILENCE FROM YOU.

Texts From Superheroes

Bruce: I'm inside a porta potty in Crime Alley. There's no toilet paper.

Clark: On my way.

Dick’s two best male friends, Roy and Wally, both have older kids and are visibly aging. Other heroes who were about his age now appear visibly older than he is. Damian has visibly aged from a child to a teenager. Hell, in basically all comic issues where the two are together, Jason looks *as old*, if not *older*, than Dick. I think the reason the publisher is doing this is pretty obvious. It’s a combination of Dick being more popular and therefore not allowed to age (something we saw until only very recently with Bruce, and even then, the “I’m getting older” side plot is dropped and picked up again depending on the whimsy of the writer) and, sadly, the thing he’s most known for being that he’s the hottest character in DC. I know you don’t care, I certainly don’t care, but DC loves selling this specific point, and thus probably feels the need to keep him appearing the most conventionally attractive.

The point is that Dick is lagging behind. Not in terms of character development — in fact, his character has had some of the most consistent growth of anyone’s for years now. I mean physically. He still physically looks like how he was depicted in 1996. I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, especially if it doesn’t stunt other aspects of his character, but it’s obvious and bizarre without explanation.

My pitch is: the electrum tooth he had for almost two decades before Bruce punched it out of him, which had been seeding electrum, had more of an effect than they realized, and has left him with some lingering traits. These could include delayed aging, beginning from right around the time the tooth was removed, partially accelerated healing (explains the number of lethal wounds he’s been able to bounce back from, the radiation from Chemo, the head shots, etc.), and what have you. It doesn’t have to be a huge thing. He doesn’t have to become super enhanced.

It’s just… reading comics that have him with people he’s had a history with, or people he can be directly compared to growth-wise, he *seems* younger. And there are editorial reasons that I described and that I understand and that I don’t mind. But like an in universe explanation is right there in the form of the tooth that had been in his mouth for decades, and please just take the W there.