Book Burns

Only after obtaining the earth’s consent.

What’s in the chamber? Secrets? I’ll bet it’s a chamber of secrets.

The HOA is really pushing for a noise ordinance.

Queen City Jazz, starring Kristen Stewart a Gen X gondolier.

Nu’ uh.

This poem isn’t about a cat, is it?

Suddenly I’m not surprised that Chuck Berry used hidden cameras to watch women pee. That is definitely the vibe of this book cover.

I bring you another Literary Porn Parody: A Hard Man is Good to Find.

Too soon.

Listen, if you don’t specify Navy SEAL then I will absolutely head-canon that your book is about aquatic animals working on ranch, having romances, and being father figures to adorable children. Sea lion romance is my favorite genre.

Joe Biden describing his climate change plan.

What an oddly aggressive children’s book.

Come on, buddy. You’re already going by E.E. Do you really need the Doc, too?

The novelization of my peen in middle and high school.

What if we, like, kissed at midnight? Just as an experiment.

Wait. Is the Dude also Earth? Are we livin’ on the Dude.

My grandparents bought me this car, they only did because my mom and I agreed to have dinner with them every Friday.