i still can’t believe it’s already fucking november like october literally felt like it lasted 4 minutes where has this year gone why is the progression of time so mind boggling to me what the fuck

heavy is the hand that holds the cock or something

the night before i have to wake up early always makes me feel like im on death row or something

Podcast where every week someone different interviews me, and if they ask something I've answered before, they get Nickelodeon slimed, so episode one is like, "Where are you from? What's your favorite color?" but episode one-hundred is like, "How many birds would you estimate you saw on the family vacation to Yellowstone you took when you were seven?" and they still get slimed.

oh to be a chunky orange farm cat 

oh i love bathtub

hey idiots watch this *morphs into an ordinary fist-sized onion and never morphs back*

every character brendan fraser played in the 1990s was the himboest himbo to ever himbo