mikado

​y'all ever wonder why people aren’t just like. nice to each other

Do you think cavemen ever got humiliated and had the kms urge? Like "Grug so embarrassed, Grug jump into tar pit" and then Glarg is like "Noooo everyone forget soon" and Grug is like "Grug going to do it for real"

the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt

I love the death grip after the toy was fixed up. Lessons were learned. Try to steal it this time you fucking bird. I dare you.

i literally want your flesh between my teeth but texting you works fine i guess.

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

ever since I was a little girl I knew I never wanted to tell anyone anything

did you know that you can increase the quality of your quesadilla by adding seasoning

did you know that you can decrease the quality of your quesadilla by making a tumblr post while it's cooking and burning it

pregnant with a bag of peas

big fan of the way moles sit in dirt with their arms out like they’re in a hot tub

i love the whole world violently. and i dont want to go to work

scientists are trying to discover something harder than getting out of bed to go to work in the morning. and dont make a fucking penis joke ok they already checked everyone’s dick and it doesn’t even come close