[“The misconception about generosity is that you should be willing to do pretty much anything, and if you aren’t, you need to change your attitude and expand yourself somehow. This is backwards. The secret to generosity is to tend to your limits. When we can say no, we no longer have to guard against what someone may ask us for, so we relax and become generous within our limits. It’s limits first, and then generosity and joy arise from there. Like any form of giving, if you feel resentful or hesitant, you have not yet noticed or communicated your limit. When you feel tense about giving, look to your limits. Ask yourself, What am I afraid they will ask me for? Which is to say, What am I afraid to say no to? You also might find that when you trust yourself to stay responsible, your limits themselves relax somewhat. You learn you don’t have to keep your guard up and that you can change your mind at any time.”]
Betty Martin, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent
