qué dolor

Everyone wants an answer. I think it was Gertrude Stein who wrote, "There is no answer, there never was an answer, there'll never be an answer. That's the answer." It's a hard sell, but that's the ultimate truth.

The only fear I have is how long consciousness is gonna hang on after my body goes. I just hope there's nothing. Like there was before I was born. (...) The void, the concept of nothingness, is terrifying to most people on the planet. And I get anxiety attacks myself. I know the fear of that void. You have to learn to die before you die. You give up, surrender to the void, to nothingness.

...I don't think any woman can feel as inferior and sad as I have felt... I have humiliated myself, been bitter, mean, mad, but I can never get away from what fate has decided for me. I seem empty of everything... I have no wish, no particular longing... But I am so ungrateful.

I am so tired, so tired... I am so fed up with everything and so afraid because I am not old enough for all of this. I have also been very stupid.