My Adolescent Development Paper

This photo make me sad.

Shane Koyczan “To This Day” http://www.tothisdayproject.com Help this message have a far reaching and long lasting effect in confronting bullying. Please sha…

I would not agree that we should expect those in authority to step in and sort such situations. Obviously, any compassionate adult seeing these things should step in, but it is not a substitute for teaching our children resilience for two reasons. Firstly, there may be no-one in that role around at the time. Even if there is, they may not be competent. In the video the school authorities step in, but fail to carry out basic and timely verification of how the bruising had occurred. This made matters much worse for the child being investigated. Secondly, teaching children to rely on others to resolve sticky situations teaches them to be dependent. Although it is harder to build up adolescents who are independent, it is to the long term benefit of both caregiver and teen.

TOUGHLOVE NZ is a unique national organisation which focuses on parents of teenagers and provides on-going support for as long as required. It operates a nat…

www.toughlove.org.nz

The video and ‘on-line’ information indicate the reciprocal nature of the relationships between adolescents and parents/care givers.  “Do you feel trapped, guilty, betrayed, helpless or frightened?   Are you struggling to retain control of your life and your family?   Are you troubled by the unacceptable adolescent behaviour of your teenager?   TOUGHLOVE is a loving solution for families that are being torn apart by this unacceptable behaviour.  Families are lost and lives ruined by the lack of intervention and a false sense that there are no other families with …”

There is no doubt the ‘Toughlove’ provides valuable support to parents who are often in very difficult circumstance.

However the storm and stress view of adolescence is also promoted.

"We offer strategies and options for change. We work with parents, not with the kids.  It is the parents who need support to regain the confidence to cope.”

The term "tough love" comes from twelve step groups based on Alcoholics Anonymous and was developed as a no nonense way for families struggling with a problem to incrementally remove the support structures enabling the family member to continue their behaviour. Its tough to make them suffer, but the ultimate goal of forcing them to get their life back on track is loving. Hence the term "tough love".

From the Alcohol Rehab web site:

This link from the USA provides some good advice.  Presented simply I found it to be a good to not waste the opportunity to enedavour to positively influence adolescents.

It promotes the following six stages.

1. Teacher 

2. Coach

3. Cheerleader

4. Guide

5. Advocate

6. Disciplinarian 

Should parents stay together for the sake of the children and adolescents?

Diana Baumrind outlined four different styles of parenting. Authoritarian parenting can be described as restrictive, and is characterised by the parent expecting adolescents to follow their directions and value work and effort. There is little opportunity for verbal exchange, with the parent wanting the teenager to do things their way with no discussion. However, this can lead to the adolescent becoming anxious regarding comparison, having difficulty initiating activity, and exhibiting poor social skills.

Authoritative parenting is associated with flexible guidelines that allow adolescents to be independent within reason. Extensive amounts of communication occur, and the parent is warm and nurturing in nature towards the teenager. Adolescents who grow up with this type of parenting are generally socially competent, self-reliant and responsible.

Uninvolved or neglectful parents are often passive and distant, and may not know where their teenage children are. Adolescents therefore grow up believing that other aspects of their parents’ lives are more important than they are, and can become socially incompetent, and lack self-control and independence.

Finally, permissive or indulgent parenting typically includes being over-involved with teenagers, but few guidelines or demands are established. Adolescents are able to do what they wish, and therefore often lack self-control as they are used to getting their own way (Santrock, 2010).

No matter your personal views of Ravi Zacharias I think this quote holds many truths, especially for adolescents who are figuring out shades of right and wrong and asking more abstract questions about themselves and existence as postformal thought emerges.  According to Wikipedia, Ravi Zacharias has had an interesting moral and religious personal journey.  He grew up in an Anglican household, was an atheist until waking in hospital from an unsuccessful suicide attempt.  Thereafter he has become devoted to evangelism.  A supportive family and tertiary education helped him transition into adulthood.

His trajectory shows that major non-normative life events in adolescence can have a substantial impact on moral development.

http://www.rzim.org/about/ravi-zacharias/ 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravi_Zacharias

Not necessarily about taking over or getting really bossy-it can just be listening or being reflective

About consistency, courage and faith

About being in a place where you belong

Having people who will go in to bat for you

People who are accepting and loving who you are

This is interesting and fun! Even if you don’t agree with the results you get, the multi choice answers make you think about your own morality! 

Will you be truthful or just tick the box that fits societies standards for morals and social conscience?? 

I got 34.5 out of a total of 44. This is what it said.

“Your score puts you in the mature category of social reasoning and the majority of people will have scores in this range. Thinking here transcends the practicalities of one’s preferences and exchanges to an emphasis upon social feeling, caring and conduct.

You take into account the consequences of actions for other people, whether for benefit or harm, as a consideration in its own right for deciding how one should act towards others. You emphasize relationships, thinking how you might feel if you were on the receiving end. Empathy is important, as well as compassion.

You are likely to expect others to conform to normally expected conduct, reflecting on “common decency” and will think of the chaos caused by laws being broken. You will value, love and respect others, and appreciate some higher values, as well as speaking of the benefits of a clean conscience or pride.”