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Everyone, meet Pepper (left) and Teddy (right). These are my cats.

Pepper might only be 8 pounds, and she does have asthma, but she has the sharpest claws you've ever seen (or, if you're unlucky, felt pierce your skin). She's a master at disguise and hiding, so you never know where she's going to pop out from to launch her attack. People underestimate her, but soon they'll learn the hard way she is not one to be messed with.

Next up, we have Teddy. He weighs in at 16 pounds, and has paws so large that any rational person would be terrified to go hand-to-hand (err- paw) with. His meow is so loud it could break the sound barrier (and sometimes, at 3am, it really feels like he might). He's not afraid to use his large stature to his advantage, and when he fights he goes all in. But if the enemy offers him treats, there's no saying if he will stay loyal. He'd do anything for a snack.

I have a very important question to ask you. Your lives may depend on it. Which of these ferocious beasts will you choose to defend you in battle against evil forces? I hope you choose right....