we are the art

The first thing to come up has gotta be at least sort of right, right?

nope never mind what the hecking daisies is happening here

that… that is a piccolo.

that is… I don’t even know what that is. what on earth.

here we have the classic “sideways-screechy-flute”

end my suffering

do not strum your flute jessica

And then… there’s Cecilia Bartoli.

my string quartet rehearses at a time when I’m playing viola and I’m very mentally exhausted so this is just some of the bullshit that I’ve made my quartet endure

“can we start at a healthy tempo?”

“it’s timmmeee fooorrrr dinnnerrrrrr” (this was at 4:00)

“sir?” I said when I accidentally hit a whiteboard spray bottle with my elbow in the middle of the piece

“sir??” I said when I couldn’t find my sheet music in my folder

“sir???” I said when my A string fine tuner wouldn’t turn

“should we transpose up a half step?”

“I think the melody should be pp and the cello’s pizzicato should be triple forte.”

“did you guys hear that mozart’s been dead for 228 slutty, slutty years?”

“we should sightread this during the performance.”

“one time I got a hickey on the right side of my neck and I tried to convince my parents that I was practicing my violin on the wrong side.”

“now that I’m a violist, it’s my job to show up late to rehearsal.”

“can you all back off because this is my time to shine.”

*absentmindedly humming the mii theme because I have issues*

*eating a cookie during rehearsal*  “brain food”

*clapping on the offbeats during the slow movement of the first tchaik quartet to make it sound Funky*

*acting like I’m about to bite the tip of my bow but I never do*

“if that annoying guy with perfect pitch says that we’re flat we can just say that we’re using pythagorean tuning”

“parallel fifths. WOAH there tchaikovsky.”

“should I ask that elderly man if I can have his purple and green striped sweater?”

“I wish I had a beard.”

me before every rehearsal “oh crap I have to learn viola”

“my plastic viola has bloodstains on the inside.”

“oh this? it’s a bandage I put on the bow because it was falling apart, and bandaids make everything better.”

“my viola is a fat baby. chunky.”

“sometimes when I put my head on the plastic chinrest, it digs into the tailpiece and causes the lowest strings to detune to the point that they’re unplayable, so look forward to that.”

*making annoying gestures and faces at my quartet in the hallway*

*generally having more energy than me or anyone else can handle*