Instead of suicide jokes when something goes wrong, I shall henceforth be saying
"I will win the war regardless of this battle lost"
"Girl, please"
"Me too buddy"
"God, you're so dramatic"
"I'm gonna have to really boost morale after this"
"Not everything is about you."
"Unnecessary and rude."
"I hear you, you do not have to scream about it" (after a loud noise)
"You cannot have my joy, for it is mine and mine alone"
"This is the beginning of my villain arc"
"Nevertheless, I continue."
"And the plot thickens" / "This is for the plot"
"That wasn't in the script" / "Who put that in the script?"
"I'm going to be another statistic today."
Most of these will occur at work, when the dishes I wash decide they REALLY need to be on the floor. I'll update this as I think of more!













