*♔dead end.

"Yoooo. Is that yer natural hair color?"

"Oh geez! I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bump into you!" Steven reached out a hand to her, an embarrassed smile on his face.

     ”…”      The fourth door, I dare not open.      How much had I seen already? For a man deciding not to start what has to end, I was doing a bad job at not getting involved. I’d seen so many secrets of the heart that there was no turning back. Every new tidbit of knowledge had been a step along a dangerous edge, separating downfall and humanity. On one side, I could become what I never was, and embrace these relationships with a new sense of self. On the other, I could down-spiral into destruction at the very force of another human being’s secrets, incapable of being carried by a failure of a human like myself. Unfortunately, I was already leaning into the downfall, as the weight of those I knew continued suffocating me. A fourth door meant a fourth secret, possibly one too heavy to keep.      There was no way out at this point. There was forward, or nowhere.      I picked nowhere.      I stood in the flipped city for hours, left to my own thoughts as I wasted endless time.      However, as if calling to me, as if drawing me in, as if my destruction was exactly what I thought, I had found myself at the doorstep of the door I dare not open.      My hand rested on the knob. I had the worst feeling that something unforgivable lie in wait on the opposite side of the barrier. An almost tangible sense of dread emanated from the wood, and I almost, almost, turned and ran away.      As if commanded to by some unknown force, I turned the knob, and walked inside another secret.

     The answer given proved to be unsatisfactory though, an unforeseeable happenstance that instilled displeasure within the femme fatale. As seating was taken upon ivory furnishings did fingers glide over the smooth flesh of the male's neck, encouraging the weary soul to rest his head against a bared shoulder. Perched atop the other's lap as she was, it would make for an optimal position for this vocalization of incensement.

     ❝Are you playing dumb? You're really going to make me say it? Is all that extra attention giving you a big head?❞ Akin to an impassive jeer, docility remained intact as digits soothed through brunette strands in a loving caress more suitable for a beloved pet rather than a human being. ❝That's okay. I'll indulge you. Again and again, I just don't know how to stop. You are my favorite, after all. You always will be.❞ Favoritism openly expressed, the worship continually accumulated with nary an end in sight. At this juncture, it was only appropriate to presume pretty words were all that would sound in reference to the male.

     ❝You were just like Sacchan.❞  Amorous in delivery, a certain breathlessness was there as vocables emphasized. ❝You destroyed and destroyed. Destroyed, destroyed, destroyed, destroyed. Destroyed until there was nothing left and then destroyed it even more. You violated, you brutalized, you maimed ..❞ 

     ❝ — You killed.❞

     A foreboding proclamation, child-like features were tarnished by vehemency, a presumptuous smile having been carved out. Infinitely delighted by the morbidity that'd befallen her own self, hands found purchase against the skin of the male's cheeks, wordlessly beseeching the pitiless gaze to meet that of jaded aqua. What would reward the obedience would be a delicate stroke of the thumb, head inclined as half-lidded optics regarded the one toy that held actual value.

     ❝You killed me.❞

                    It continues, forever. Forever, frozen. In other words, I                  have not grown one bit since being gripped by Dead Blue.

     Separation. Separation anxiety? Something like that. It’s foreign to me. It’s unknown to me. The reason for it? I can’t imagine. The cause of it? Simple.      Kunagisa Tomo.      The alarm sounds as the government speaks about closed roads. The blockades. The unmoving train. The force field keeping us inside not Kairos, but Paralia. Waking up in my old bedroom. Harukana, gone. Migiwame, gone. Nothing is right. No one is right. No one is where they belong.      Kunagisa Tomo.      Not here, not beside me. Over there? Maybe. Here? I don’t know.      I didn’t know anything. Why I was feeling this way, why I couldn’t think about anything other than Tomo, why I had to find her, right now, right now, no stalling, no questions asked, no excuses. I had to find her.      Out the front door, down the dirt path. People passed me with confused looks on their faces. People were shouting, crying, overreacting, complaining, doing what humans always do. None of that mattered. None of them mattered. They were not Kunagisa Tomo, and so they did not matter.     Turn left. There was a crowd of people. All of them, anxiously pushing at each other towards the entrance to the train station. No access. The conductor was shouting. None of these savages were Kunagisa Tomo. I moved on.      My legs carried me into a sprint. Fast, down another street. I ran towards the expensive houses. Why there was this sense of urgency, I still didn’t know, but it gave me adrenaline to get there faster and for that I was grateful. Reached the houses. Didn’t see anyone. I didn’t see anyone, and started to panic. Where else could she be? She was all alone. Her family was moved, no one could be there to help her. She needed help, and I wasn’t there to help her.      Why, did I even need to help?      Why- did she need me?      I needed her.      Needed to see, her. Needed to breathe. Needed to calm down, to be okay, to make sure, make sure she was okay-      My mind didn’t even make sense. Why, a complete stranger, could mean so much to me that I couldn’t function, was a complete mystery. Why I was worried, why I was panicking, why I was angry and frustrated and out of my senses and not me and somebody else all at once— I couldn’t function. Just had to search. Keep searching, keep running-      I ran. In between the houses, I shouted her name. Around back, through trees, cut across lawns, jumping over fences— but there was no answer.      There was no answer, until—

There was no escape, no refuge, no salvation from the clinching agony assailing the delicate frame and the fragile heart furiously pumping beneath a quaking breast. Chest heaved from exertion, nauseating panic having brought perseverance, shoes pounding against the asphalt as body rounded, a different path made to be traversed. Where it might lead it did not matter, how long it stretched was of no consequence; so long as there was no blockade, no stopper to this fruitless attempt at achieving relief, the blue child would run.

Release meant that air would return. It meant that security would return, that the normality of ignorance would bring much needed alleviation. It would decimate those images, those flashes of pain, those bars of iron that seared the flesh, steadily burning brighter and hotter, the pressure intensifying, cutting off oxygen, smothering life, indentations branding dark marks into -- 

Balance was lost as hands desperately clawed at inflamed skin, knees scrapping against harsh cement as footing was lost while making to ascend a stair. Blood blossomed forth to fall upon the ground as she had, but who cared about that? Why care about that? She needed the hands off her, needed the monotonously heartless drone to vacate her cranium, needed to be free. Solace would not come no matter the gasping breaths, the scrabbling fingers, the sting of tears blurring the child's vision, the torment as relentless as it was inconceivable.

She couldn't understand, couldn't think beyond the suffocation undoing her. Her chest ached so terribly, strength utterly sapped and mental capacities spent beyond exhaustion. Why did she have to suffer this way, she did not know. What had she ever done to that man, she did not know. Why did she have to endure this, why did she have feel like this, why her why her why her --

WHY WAS HE HERE!?

A flurry of hacking coughs rattled a thin rib cage, the result of a shrill scream that had tried to escape. It hurt so much, so so much, but not as much as hearing that voice. Eyelids quickly scrunched closed tightly, the already present shivering much more apparent, hands trembling as they covered her face. It was too much to bear, too much for her to handle, much too terrifying to face alone.

But --

"Nnn .. n - no! Don't kill -- don't kill any.. one .. !"

-- she could not allow anyone else to feel this way.

It'd taken everything just to say those words, to force constricted airways to loosen just enough for pronunciation of any sort. It'd been even harder to speak to him, to confront the one responsible for this painful state. It'd been selflessness in the wake of personal turmoil, an act of impossible care ...

"The.... the only o - one who should die is .. is - is you!"