Anything To Get Me To Sleep

– @stonedstevie

Ahhh. Thank you. I found that being sick scares me and I don’t like it at all. But STAG is worse when sick, and dissociating a lot, so I’m taking over. I also don’t like that ask that I got.

And the “friend” of STAG, who blocks over anything, unblocked us a few days ago, and I’ve been trying to keep STAG from finding out, because I think it’s a toxic relationship that just needs to stop.

She cares for them, but they blocked her over her needing to protect us. So now I’m trying to protect her from them.

I’m thinking of you too. STAG told me you have an introject of my Dad Vess. But that it hasn’t been around… I would like to meet it when it returns. If that’s okay.

I hope you are doing alright as well.

Also, is there a reason you sent the ask the way you did? Not judging, just curious?

i saw your post about that too. i think that’s a good decision, for whatever my two cents is worth haha. i don’t like to see stag keep hurting over it though, i really don’t. i care too much to see her in pain. thank you for doing you best to protect her. i’m proud of you.

i think it’s (our vess) been very subtly around. as a post of mine said, i think it’s scared. i think it’s extremely overwhelmed by the idea of being seen again. that’s always been a struggle for him regardless. i mean, even this post sounds a bit like it. it loves to ramble here (tumblr) specifically for some reason, especially in posts such as this. feel free to shoot it a dm or an ask, it will get to it whenever it can. i try to remind it when i can as well. (it’s also kind of funny the coincidence of you seeing vessel as your dad and our vess feeling fatherly occasionally. i mean… he co-parents with someone else in our system, its best friend. though, it doesn’t take as much responsibility due to mental health reasons, like a sick leave essentially.) all of that is to say though that vess would happily meet you. it’s funny that he finds other introjects as often as it does but i digress.

i’m doing lots better than i have been. the bpd is kind of kicking my ass right now. imagine it, me, a bpd haver, getting attached to someone after having ONE singular positive conversation… that’s how i’m living right now. i’ve had two cups of coffee today so i feel insane on top of that. and we were without power for almost 14 hours last night due to storms. it’s been a day to say the least, quite honestly. thank you for your wishes though, much appreciated. <3

i’m not really using my main blog at the moment, so it feels more comfortable to send anonymous asks tagged from this blog instead. i don’t know. i feel like i myself am hiding a bit more these days too. being too known gets intimidating and scary sometimes. i dunno. it just feels safer this way in my head is all.

It’s okay, I do them too. If anything between me and STAG, I’m the talkative one! I mean, just look at all the long posts I’ve done so far!

As for that person. Yes. I have access to all the Memories. And this is like, the fifth or sixth time this person has “punished” STAG for either accidentally saying something that sets them off or literally making a minor error. And it makes STAG feel useless and bad every time. Trying to avoid contact as much as possible, which may be hard because they’re in my source fandom.

I genuinely hate them for it and I’ve never had an official interaction with them. Thankfully I can discuss it now because poor STAG ate some bad eggs this morning and hates being sick so she’s just sleeping/dissociating while I’m piloting the body. Your two cents is worth a million dollars to us!

And I will absolutely send your Vess an ask! I’ve been kinda drafting some in the notes app of our phone. Trying to figure out what I wanna say without making it weird, you know? Weird or formal. I tend to talk a lot more and more formal than STAG does. Unless I’m feeling small and cute, then I’m just, a ball of energy with zero regard for typos.

The depression has been kicking our ass too. I do feel bad because I can’t help but come into co-front/blur around animals and water. It’s not my fault that’s literally the theme of my source. But I hold all our depression symptoms so STAG only feels them when I’m blurred with her. And we work at an aquarium… so it’s been rough. We got a sample of an antidepressant that works, and now… we’re fighting with insurance to get an authorization for it.

We’ve been to a few concerts lately and post concert depression is worse with diagnosed depression. We saw BTS live and I cried, so did STAG. Jungkookie is so precious throwing water at his hyungs. And Suga and RM (STAG’s biases) were so hot. Like we were drooling. We were actually kinda surprised that nothing plural happened after that concert lol, considering STAG has been a fan since they debuted, and they’re essentially the reason she’s still around, because they got her through her last three severe depressive episodes.

~Atlas 🌊🪼

the stage is a prison

He’s very proud of it.

@bluelightovermurder

🌊sʟᴇᴇᴘ ᴛᴏᴋᴇɴ — ᴛᴇʟᴏᴍᴇʀᴇs.