Blue in a suit

I keep coming back to glibly describing the Ineffable Husbands’ arcs in the book as something along the lines of“Aziraphale gave up on an Eternal Heaven for interesting books and fine wine, Crowley faced Hell’s Wrath for good food and long naps”. The exact Earthly Delights aren’t important, there’s plenty of intersection anyways, but their relation to their respective sides is.

Book Aziraphale’s arc is about disconnecting himself from Heaven ideologically. He was already somewhat jaded about Heaven and aware that they’re Not So Different from Hell in some areas (“You'll be amazed at the kind of things they can do to you, down there.” ”I imagine they're very similar to the sort of things they can do to one up there.”) and disobeying his side obviously cannot be easy or safe for him - but the thing that's most important to his arc is that he did still keep insisting Heaven is fundamentally Good on some level, that Heaven’s victory in the Final Battle is assured and it’ll bring about a better world.

But for the sake of his individual hedonistic pleasures, he started working against this abstract ideas of a 'better world' and Heaven's ideas of 'goodness'. Because what's the point of an ideal world if it has no sushi restaurants or CDs? Gradually also getting more rebellious and morally disillusioned with his 'Side' and doing more 'unheavenly' and morally-gray things, until he was disparaging Heaven openly through the mouth of a preacher and passive-aggressively challenging the Metatron's authority at the Airfield.

And Crowley... well, the difference here was clear from the Beginning.

Aziraphale's worries about doing 'the wrong thing' seem to be mostly about... how he wants to make the right decisions because the right decisions are good. I'm sure he's got more practical worries about disobeying orders, but the focus is on the internal conflict between Heaven's orders and his personal sense of morality. Crowley however... doesn't want to have done the 'right thing', because it can get him into troubles.

Crowley always knew he’s working for ‘the Bad Guys’. He’s not totally ideologically disconnected from Hell either (‘“But it nearly worked," snapped Crowley, feeling he should stick up for the old firm.’) but he’s fully aware of what it means to be a Demon working for Hell tempting people into Evil deeds so that their Souls can be sent to Eternal Damnation. And he's got layers upon layers of rationalization and justifications for it, and he has found genuine passion and pride in his unique modernized form of sin-spreading that feels more mischievous than outright harmful, but underneath it all, Crowley just knows he's gotta keep pleasing Hell, or else.

His cool, confident, laid-back attitude is not exactly a façade, but it serves for a good counterbalance to what happens whenever he has to interact with his higher-ups (lower-ups?). Where even if he tries to still play it up like he's Cool Guy Crowley and he's totally chill and smug with higher-raking Demons, like Hastur and Ligur, the moment they break away from the area he feels is 'safe' (his MO as a tempter, in which he already proven himself to the Management) and shift to the End of Days, he clamps up and becomes nervous and 'haunted'. The narration, when describing his POV, sometimes tries to underplay it as just annoyance or frustration, the way that it tries to underplay his guilt in meddling in the affairs of Humans before the M25 and Adam plop that guilt right in front of his face, the way it tries to underplay his relationship with Aziraphale as a reluctant Arrangement of convenience despite all evidence to the contrary, but…

But Crowley’s fears about Hell are the most overt, probably because, well, his entire part of the plot is about being forced to accomplish a Very Important Task for his bosses (unlike Aziraphale, who until his ‘summons’ to the Final Battle, was perusing a personal side-quest no one in Heaven gave a shit about), and so they’re pretty much always breathing down his neck.

That’s what this whole ‘a Demon can’t have Free Will’ thing is really about. It’s less about him being Ontologically Evil, and more about, well, the Cold War Spy metaphor, he’s forever stuck in a shitty morally-compromising job, that despite all of the perks that allow him to live his affluent and effortlessly cool life, he could not leave, escape, disobey or fail at without suffering horrible horrible consequences.

But when faced with the prospect of losing Earth, and all of the experiences that come from living on it, even the most basic ones like a long sleep after a heavy meal, he tries anyway. He knows the consequences, he feels helpless and terrified, but he still risks Hell’s Wrath for food and naps.

...Well, his first plan is one that he convinced himself is relatively ‘safe’. An underhanded, cowardly trick worthy of one of Hell’s best tempters, but also informed by his very Earthly understanding of how the world works. If he performs his job as the Antichrist’s ‘Godfather’ as exemplary as he’s expected to, but places Aziraphale in to ‘thwart’ him then Armageddon could fail without Hell being able to place the blame on him. Probably. Hopefully.

And when it all falls apart and Hell does start coming for him. Well, first of all, it’s important that it’s in the same sequence that introduces us to Crowley’s idea of indoor gardening, which within the context of the book is absolutely him venting what he feels about the way Hell treats him…

And Crowley keeping that thermos of Holy Water in his flat shows that he’s been clearly paranoid of something like that happening for a while now. It’s a fear that’s been growing for longer than just the eleven years of the plot. And now it’s coming true. And Crowley has no choice but to face it. And he succeeds. Like, that’s part of what’s important about...

Crowley was outnumbered against two more powerful Demons. He was scared and he was underpowered and he faced one of his constant nightmare scenarios and he won. He outsmarted these two technically-more-powerful Demons with a little bit of foresight and a goofy pop-culture reference and a clever use of his natural Demonic abilities but mostly his natural (and very Human) cunning and knowledge of then-modern technology and his ability to play it cool even when he is scared and then he WON.

And from here on out, his road to Tadfield, to trying to stop the Apocalypse openly and directly, is basically him doing increasingly brazen and brave things, increasingly facing even more of his fears now that he's already got Hell pissed and after him. First trying to find Aziraphale at the burning Bookshop (clearly not as dangerous to him as it would be to a normal Human, but I won't say there was no risk of Discoporation), and then resigning himself to sacrificing the Bentley, and then crossing through the M25...

Like, the reason why this famous quote is so important...

Is because Crowley's optimism is truly 'underneath it all'. It's absolutely not self-evident. His inner monologue is always full of anxiety and fears and worst-case scenarios leaking through, thinking about how he can do nothing to stop Armageddon, thinking about how screwed he'd be if Hell finds out he fucked up Armageddon, thinking about how screwed up he is now that Hell found out that he fucked up Armageddon. One of the lines proceeding this one is literally "All was black, gloomy and awful. There was no light at the end of the tunnel-or if there was, it was an oncoming train." For the most part he might seem like a total pessimist, but he just... keeps going. He's cynical (that's his job!) and he's terrified and he just keeps going!

It's, y'know, layers. On the surface Crowley is this confident, laid-back and cool Demon that loves excitement and is costing through life not worried about anything, traffic cops chasing him around for speeding is just good fun so he can dunk on them. Below that, he's stressed out and scared, fretting about what will happen to him if he falls out of relative favor in Hell. But below even that, he is an optimist. A confident and utterly cool optimist.

And then he makes it to the Airfield, in the coolest way he possibly could, and... like, there are so many little character moments during the Airfield Climax. His insistence, with 'fatalistic gloom' that Adam stopping Armageddon wouldn't make a difference, but then his glee when he realizes that Aziraphale had found an out and joining him, even though it's clear how afraid he is of Beelzebub and that he is pissed with him... And then Satan comes.

Aziraphale's decision to stay and fight Satan is about his ideological disillusionment arc. Sure, fighting Satan might technically seem Angelic, but he makes it clear that he does it to 'make up' for all the troubles he caused Humanity as a representative of Heaven, explictly putting his 'Job' and Crowley's 'Job' as equally problematic, with no attempt to make himself morally superior. But for Crowley, when Aziraphale asks him to stay and help him fight, Crowley realizes that with all of his greatest fears already realized, all of his worst-case-scenarios having already come true, with nothing more to lose (well, I suppose he's still got Aziraphale to lose, but since the Angel already made up his mind to try and fight the Adversary, it's not like Crowley can do anything to stop that)... He is actually 'free' now.

Crowley realizes that deep down, he can and he wants to do such a brave and selfless thing.

Well, at the end, he doesn’t actually need to, but, like, it’s the thought that counts, right?

I admit I got onto the Terry Pratchett bandwagon quite late but I have been immensely enjoying exploring the Discworld series for the first time.

The latest book I finished was the Fifth Elephant and I was so delighted by the weaving of the themes and motifs in it that I’d like to have a fangirl moment.

MAJOR SPOILERS for the Fifth Elephant ahead

1. Obviously we can’t call it French toast if there’s no France so we’re just gonna replace it with something else.

2. The word abattoir sounds too French so it wouldn’t make sense for it to be here without a France. Even though we use English without there being an England.

3. This is called a Ming vase because when you tap it it makes a “Ming!” sound.

And the thing is, I'm probably speaking for all my dopamine-challenged people here when I say that zoning out while someone else is talking is not a sign of disrespect from us, it just happens. We've all had those moments where someone we love dearly has talked for a bit too long about something we don't know much about or can't contribute to, and our attention spans just noped out into the Andromeda galaxy. To me, this is how I read Vimes not paying attention to Sybil. He loves her to bits; he just also fundamentally cannot bring himself to pay attention to longer talks about interior decor because he has no idea what she's talking about, especially when he's rotating his current case in his brain. But just like me when I zone out while a beloved family member is yapping, he feels bad enough to cover it up, to avoid upsetting the person he loves.

(In my head, Sybil is totally aware that he does that and gives him some grace because she can relate. You can't tell me that sometimes while he goes on lengthy tangents about Watch bureaucracy and the details of work, her mind doesn't stray to her dragons instead.)

Meanwhile, while Sybil forcing Sam to eat healthy could easily have been treated as a "nagging wife" stereotype, the story (IMO) and Vimes himself both acknowledge that she's in the right. Vimes is a workaholic who is highly competent at his job and absolute crap at taking care of himself. I think I am once again speaking for a lot of ADHDers when I say that looking after yourself is a hellishly difficult job, and it helps to have a loved one forcing you kicking and screaming to eat better meals and sleep at reasonable hours. And kicking and screaming it usually is, because ugh being told what to do and held accountable by others is stressful but also boy is it necessary. Without it, we go to bed at 4 AM and survive on bacon sandwiches. And Sam Vimes still loves his bacon sandwiches, and tries to get out of taking a break whenever he can, but he's also clearly grateful to his wife for keeping his workaholic ass alive.

Put your music library on shuffle, then list the first five songs that come up in a poll to let people vote for which one they like the most!

@bluefancypants @ad-astrah @merriblu

@skyactually @sp4ce-catt @scientistswishingwell

I had randomly generated 2 words, which is where “mole interest” came from. I failed to consider that by generating a new tag, it wouldn’t have had enough posts already in it to prove what I now call “the mole interest effect”.

But now it does.

In 2023, we said “fuck it” a la mythbusters and ended up doing whatever it took to get #mole interest to trend. And it did. And it happened to be September 11th that day, and we managed to get #mole interest to trend ABOVE #9/11.

What other Witch could so shrewdly bend the very story she was in to her will? To take the tropes and clichés and to weaponize them against those who were wrong in defense of those who could not defend themselves?

What other Witch, when faced with the Good Fairy Godmother, would rip the story from her very fingers and set things to right?

What other Witch, under vampiric assault, could turn the famous bite around and, instead of becoming a vampire herself, through force of sheer will Weatherwax the vampire? What does that even mean?

What other Witch could give a child a gift so powerful it would override narrative convention and let the long lost prince refuse to take his rightful crown in favor of pursuing his dreams?

Indeed, what other Witch would resist the crown when it fell into her lap?

There have been untold millions of Witches in literature, but not a one of them could sit demurely at a social gathering, doing absolutely nothing, and drive everyone around her to near insanity through sheer nervousness?

No one else could be so proficient at both Magic and People that she would barely need or want to use the former because of how effective and predictable the latter could be.

And all of this, ALL of this, while going against her own narrative nature as 'The Bad Witch'. To resist your own role in the story so completely that you transcend expectations and settle into legend as one of the ultimate forces of righteousness on the Disc? That requires more power, more cunning, and more skill than any, every other Witch. Combined.

And she did it by knowing people. By watching them and knowing things and by understanding, better than their own mothers, how to talk to everyone and precisely pass along knowledge. How to command respect, even if they don't like you very much. How to be indispensable, while dispensing with the pleasantries.

She didn't do it alone, but she wouldn't admit that within earshot of Gytha or any of her numerous brood (So, she would never admit it). She benefitted by her associations with Nanny Ogg, with Magrat, with Agnes, with Tiffany, with Ridcully (allegedly), and even with Death.

Who else would earn time for her candle to flicker in the wind, and a warning by the Grim Reaper himself, for the right she had done in the world.

Right. Not good. Not nice. Right.

She was the vessel Pratchett poured his every indignant thought at the inherent injustice in the world into, and she brandished those white hot notions against every part of the stories that tried to make her into something she did not want to be.

start wanting rice. (or, if you are traditional, simply recognize your constant desire for rice.)

measure out two cups of rice. then one more. then two more. then another. this seems fine. you love rice. there is no way that this will backfire on you.

remember that your great-great-uncle’s recipe says it should be soaked overnight.

become consumed with despair.

decide to soak it for half an hour instead, acknowledging that the final product will be inferior and anger your ancestors but will still satisfy your now almost-overwhelming need for rice to be inside your body much faster.

remember that you should have set the water to boil when you soaked the rice. goddammit. 

once the water boils, put the rice in until it is half-cooked. the eyeballing or intuitive method is less effective than a timer but that’s how your aunt does it so you feel compelled to meet her standards.

now that the rice has fluffed up, realize how much rice six dry cups really is. holy shit. you’ve fucked up immeasurably. 

take a minute to dwell upon your failings.

grease a baking dish with butter. this will never be as elegant as you want it to and your fingers will get greasy, but the slightly shameful, self-indulgent joy of licking your fingers afterwards will make up for it.

pour the rice into the dish. wonder immediately if you actually buttered the dish beforehand and if you’ve just fucked up. 

melt approximately one thousand pounds of butter in the microwave and pour it over the rice, pondering your imminent death from rapid-onset arterial clogging. put a small pat of butter on the top to properly gild the lily.

put your pan into the oven, which you have absolutely preheated after your previous lack of foresight. shake the rice once or twice while it bakes to make sure the butter is well distributed. resist the impulse to climb into the oven with the rice. for the last ten minutes, sit next to the oven and count the seconds until it’s done.

remove the dish from the oven. shed a tear or two at the perfection laid before you. if you are dining with others, this is the time to serve the rice while making passive-aggressive statements about how oh no, you don’t need any help, you just made dinner all by yourself, you can serve everyone as well. (this is still fun if done alone, but optional.)

CONSUME THE RICE.

realize that you have eaten half of the dish in one sitting. no matter how much rice you made, this will always happen. 

put the leftovers away, if there are any, and enjoy a cup of chai while marveling at the amount of food you have just eaten. if possible, fall asleep in an armchair, sitting up, head tilted slightly back, like a grandpa.

1lb / approx. 2 ⅓ cups basmati rice (any long-grain rice will do)

3 tbsp salt

8 tbsp / 1 stick butter (you can reduce this if you don’t want to have a heart attack)

Put the rice in a pot and cover it in cold water and salt. Let it soak overnight. (If you don’t have the time to soak it, rinse the rice with cold water until it runs clear.)

Edit: The reason you want to soak basmati and other aromatic rice before cooking is to preserve more acetylpyrroline, the compound that gives aromatic rice its characteristic scent and flavor. Soaking rice allows the grains to absorb water, which reduces the cooking time, which means less time for the acetylpyrroline to cook off. It’ll still taste pretty good if you can’t do this, but you don’t want “pretty good”, you want mind-blowing, so for that perfect flavor you’ll want to soak your rice overnight. The soaking process also washes away the layer of starch on the outside of the rice, which allows the grains to separate rather than sticking together; this is why you want to rinse your rice thoroughly if you don’t have time to soak it.

Preheat your oven to 325°.

Boil three quarts of water in a separate pot. Once it’s at a fast boil, drain the rice and add it to the water. Boil for 5-7min or until one grain tastes half-cooked, but not soft. Pour the rice into a colander and rinse with cold water.

Edit: This step also helps get rid of any remaining starch on your grains, for perfectly separated rice. If your colander or strainer has large holes, you can put a paper towel/cheesecloth/clean dishcloth on the inside in order to drain your rice. Pour carefully if you’re using a paper towel, though, and put a bowl underneath your colander; I once lost a heartbreaking amount of rice when my paper towel got oversaturated and tore open.

Liberally grease the bottom of your baking pan with some of your butter. Pour the rice on top. Melt the rest of the butter in the microwave and pour on top of the rice.

Bake for 45min. (If you like, cover the rice for part or all of the baking time, but I find it gets less crispy on top if you do this.) Shake the pan a couple times during baking to ensure that the butter distributes throughout the entire dish.

Eat.

Serves four. Can easily be scaled up if needed (or down, but why would you do that?). Best enjoyed with a nice cup of chai.