fireheart

medusa, trying to turn you to stone, but you accidentally called her “melissa” when you first walked in and now you’re too embarrassed to look at her. “it’s alright” she keeps saying “i get it all the time” but you still won’t look. u don’t even remember the stone thing until later

this picture feels like a metaphor for my mental health

add “I live inside my own heart, Matt Damon” to the things I will now commonly say that nobody will understand

“Pedestrian small talk” ha i love it 😂

life is just one ibuprofen after the other

the next ibuprofen will fix me

bad at drinking milk

Villains in Every Movie/Show

Villain: We're not so different, you and I.

pets sigh so dramatically for little creatures that have nothing to do all day

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

megan thee stallion and timothee chalamet are the same age