besides the immense guilt for sending grace to his death, i know stratt would have been so angry. she tried so hard not to get close the grace. she knew she had to get close enough to make grace feel like she cared- but her actually caring was definitely not in the plan.
she finds herself standing with grace under the earth stations, laughing, smiling and she could feel the fondness clawing at her eyelids. grace asked her is she had a plan for the next twenty years. of course she did, she was Eva Stratt.
but that plan had started to morph on its own. ryland grace was dimming her dull and secure plans just like that pesky astrophage.
and then eveything exploded.
she ordered grace to be sedated and forced to his death. she did that, and she cried, and cried some more. and then he was gone. she sat in her office the day after the launch and cried more pathetic tears.
god, she was livid. she made this so much harder for herself. logically, she knew grace was the only option for the popualtions survival - its a simple numbers equation, one life against billions. but it was not supposed to hurt his much.
but the next day it dawnes - who am i to feel angry? - she had not been murdered by the people she lived with;she had not being dragged of her home to go and die; she had not fallen in love with her mysterious boss who ended up betraying her. who the fuck did she think she was?
so the depression started. and it stayed for a very long time. she destroyed the earth to have a shot of survival. and then the lengthy prison sentence came and god what sweet relief it was - she was finally being punished for the murder she orchastrated. but it wasn't never enough. nothing would every truly be enough.
and then their salvation came. grace had done it. the man with the wonky glasses and wonky haircut had fucking done it. he had saved them. he had done it. ryland grace, the high-school teacher who wore the sweater his mother knitted him if it got paticualry cold at sea, had saved them. she watched that final message more times than she wanted to count. grace looked the exact same when she killed him.
so that night, when the stars came out to gleam their taunting heat, stratt looked up as she always did. now she knew he was up their somewhere. she smiled the same way she did that fateful day that the lab exploded, when grace's destiny was stabbed into the constellations. grace was looking back at her, the stars blinking back at her just like the twinkle in his eyes.
she just wanted to see him one last time. to tell him she was sorry and that she was so proud. that he was a good man. that she loved him and only felt it after he had gone.
eva stratt died that night, with a polariod of grace she had secretly took of grace in his lab. she was smiling.
she was going to see her star again to tell him everything.
