Bloody try to write

I made one comment, and it was this:

You may need to learn how to set up your paints and such… but this is what people did, live, while the show aired. That’s what the show was for. I had family members create lovely works of art they enjoyed, which I still have on my walls, because William Alexander and Bob Ross both said:

SCREW METICULOUS CLASSICAL ART PRACTICES — JUST GRAB A PALETTE KNIFE AND BIG OLD BRUSH AND PAINT!

They freed a whole generation of people who were taught to paint detail and realism and exact representation of reality — people who largely gave up this kind of thing because it got tedious.

I watched the joy of family members as they rediscovered art as a messy fun spontaneous half hour activity.

I'm going to try it.

First, let me preface this with something very important: you can treat all of this advice as SECOND-DRAFT ADVICE. It is so much easier to rewrite this kind of stuff once you have words on the page. Telling yourself the first draft is totally appropriate and acceptable.

What we’re talking about here are FILTER WORDS (and to some degree verbs of being). Yes, “thought” words are included. But so are “heard, saw, looked, tasted, smelled” etc.—most words having to do with the senses.

This isn’t black and white advice; sometimes you’ll use these words and that’s okay. They’re not WRONG. They’re just weaker. And they’re weaker because they create distance between the reader and the experience of the character.*

If you want your reader to feel like they’re experiencing the story right alongside the character, you want to cut down on filter words.

*This is particularly important with first person and close third POVs. The reader always knows whose eyes they’re seeing through and thoughts they’re privy to. So you don’t need to tell them “I saw X.” Or “I heard X.” Or “I thought Y.” You can just jump into the action/observation as it’s happening.

This is also where you want to pay attention to verbs of being.

you want to pay attention

to verbs of being.

That means that when you read a line like

John saw that the curtains were open.

It immediately takes you OUT of the character's perspective and instead tells you what they experience as a secondhand observation.

You don't have to get fancy or purple with how you rephrase things like this. Not everything needs a ton of breathing room.

You wanna know what's perfectly impactful while keeping a tight POV?

The curtains were open.

gintoki and bamboo hatted kim. (Korean gintoki as they say.... Look At Them vvvv

akechi’s mementos dialogue in royal actually destroys me because he is CONSTANTLY trying to make conversation in the most awkward, sideways, emotionally constipated way imaginable. like after the reveal, after the masks are off (ha.) ,, he suddenly starts talking more casually and it’s SO noticeable because for the first time he’s not performing as the Detective Prince (or breaking down like in the boiler room) but he still doesn’t know how to connect with people directly. every conversation sounds like he’s testing the waters. like he’s trying to figure out how the others see him without outright asking.

“you think i’m frightening when i fight? well. i’m afraid you’re just going to have to accept it.”

RAGHHHHHH THAT IS LITERALLY HIM ASKING “do you think i’m scary?” except he can’t ask it normally so he wraps it in sarcasm and arrogance instead. everything with akechi has to be hidden behind a façade even when he’s trying to be genuine.

and then: “do you prefer my previous outfit or this one?”

SIR 😭😭😭

why are you asking them which version of yourself they like better. why are you trying to see if this “real” version of you is acceptable. he keeps tossing out these little indirect questions because he wants reassurance SO badly but would rather die than ask for it openly.

even “you may not like working with me, but i’m counting on your assistance until our goal is achieved” is him projecting his own fears first before anyone else can say them out loud. if he acknowledges the rejection possibility first, then it can’t hurt him as much. except it obviously still does.

and the NORMAL conversations make me even sadder somehow???

“i enjoy spending time in kichijoji. it’s not very big, but there are plenty of trendy shops.” “i’m getting a bit hungry. i should’ve eaten beforehand.” “riding in the car may beat walking, but it doesn’t stop my legs from growing stiff and sore…”

HE’S JUST TRYING TO TALK 😭 he’s trying so hard to participate in normal group conversation like a regular teenager and it feels painfully obvious that he’s never really had this before. no wonder half his dialogue sounds slightly stiff,,,, he genuinely does not know how to do casual friendship naturally.

and “this place is immense. if there weren’t train tracks everywhere, i’d bring my bike here.”

HELLO????? that line kills me actually because it’s such a small normal thought. like you can so easily picture a world where akechi had friends to ride bikes with. where he got to be a normal kid saying dumb little comments to people he trusted instead of becoming… all of this.

even his gratitude sounds careful: “i meant to tell you, regarding shido… thank you for keeping your promise.”

there’s something so restrained about it. he almost sounds surprised someone actually kept their word to him.