From Head to Foot

A friend talked me out of a depressing situation...

He said that "I am simple and kind" that gave me a deeper thought... "am I really?"

I don't like the rain, it feels me lonely and sad...

It brings those unwanted thoughts, disregarded feelings, ignored scenarios made up from my wild imagination ..

Few of the things that popped up my mind while communiting to work...

If my other sister lived, would it be different?

If the planes engine did not malfunction, would I be here?

Thinking if I did not excisted what seems to be different from the people around me....

Would it make them happier?

Or their lives would just go on like tf they care lol.

Few things crossed my mind as well that I don't like how tp answer

If you were born a girl, do you think you are happier?

If one day you can choose to be the person who you wanted to be but in return people who loved and loves you will forget everything about you... would you take it?

If you could be with your perfect person like everything you wished and hoped for from a partner.. but in return you only have 1 year to live.. would you take it?

It is weird yes.... that is what the rain can bring out of me...

Hango sa kanta ng Cup of Joe...

Nanatiling magiintay... nanatiling nagbabantay...

O mahal kong estranghero...

Sa iyong pagdating... sa ating pag kikita... sa tamang panahon... sa tamang pagkakataon....

Marahil merong taong nakalaan... maaring walang iniintay kahit hanggang sa huling hantungan...

Ako parin ay mag iintay, hanggang sa iyong pagdating...

Pagsaluhan natin ang mga masasayang sandali... mga hikbi... mga malulungkot na yugto ng ating mumunting kwento...

Asahan mo... sa iyong pagdating... ako ay mananatiling tapat sa pangako...

Na mamahalin kita... aalagaaan... pasisiyahin... at di papaiyakin...

Have you ever felt that for a brief moment you were bagged down from all of the things that is happening?

Have it ever occurred to you that wearing a mask behind those puffy eyes, perky voice, enthusiastic charm hides a heart full of pain, sorrow, discomfort and dissatisfaction...

Am I just becoming unrealistic or this is just the way I was built?

Am I just hiding all the pain until one day I no longer feel an inch of emotion...

Am I just hiding the fact that the person who you look up is just a freaking broken record and an epitome of failure repeatedly bagged down of disappointments and immaturity...

Maybe I was just built like this...

That even if they say you are doing a good job keeping your mask and yourself together..

For the past few years it was never easy...

The struggle to keep myself sane and rational..

After all these years why now?

After all those painful times why now?

After all i've been through why now?

I guess...

A part of me is scared...

I might start pushing people away...

Why is that when I finally feel happy...

It always ends up me feeling claustrophobic .

If I put my game face on...

There would always be something that i'll miss...

I know my worth...

I know what I want...

I know what I am made off...

I know what I can do...

But why do I feel troubled and confused?

Soon, another chapter of me will be written in fine print...

Soon, another version of me will emerge and would forget how this feeling once touched my heart...

I fear that when that moment comes...

I cared less...

I loved less...

And only focused on how I wanted to live...

Sometimes, being too emotional is very tiring...

As an overthinker... I can't help but wonder...

Is it worth fighting for?

Will I be happy about it?

I know one influential person said...

Growth is uncomfortable...

So the bottom line is... At this stage of my life, I still have some room of improvement...

But nonetheless... I just wanted to be happy and loved... Why is it sooooooo freakin hard to understand????????

P.S

I am in the stage of my life where I thought I already know whatI want or know where I am currently heading...

But amidst all the things I've been through, why now?

I can't understand why...

I can't figure it out on how...

I can't move forward...

For a long time..

I thought that I won't feel this same feeling anymore...

I never thought that someone will make me feel appreciated and valued...

I don't care if there is no chance... no possibilities... nothing in return...

I will like you as much as I can... as far as I can go... i'll show you what and how I express my feelings in every single way...

For once... I learned that I am happy by your side... will not ask for more... just let me like you the best I can...

Just let me like you the way I can..

Just let me like you for who you are...

With all your flaws and insecurities...

With all of the good and bad days...

😘🥰

03/22/2021

Tell me, why should I keep on holding on?

How much longer until you wake up and stop?

How hard should you try to force yourself to smile?

Self, you are not a superhuman....

You have to understand that all good things may come to an end....

It just happen, the happiness... the laughters... the happy memories...