I wanted to get you a car instead of buy some dumb couch, but that turned into a fight. I would've been happy working as you went to college for whatever dream you had, including tattoo artist like you had talked about, but I was "preventing you from working", as if I didn't want extra help. You made everything that happened my fault, and disappeared, unwilling to talk at all. Sure I wasn't stable, you were leaving me, and you were what made me stable. You made it clear everything was final, and clear I had nothing I could ever do about that. Yeah it still fucking hurts, and yeah I'm still bitching. I'm still trying to move on. But clearly if it were so fucking easy for me, I wouldn't be here like this right now. You had an effect on me, long lasting as it is, and I'm sincerely sorry for my failures as a human being. I know nothing will go back, ever. I just... wish I didn't feel like this. I wish I didn't care at all. It'd be so much fucking easier to not care about you or whatever you're doing at all, to treat your memory as just that. Sorry I can't do that, I know I'm a piece of shit.