there's me gone

"character doing a c+ job of breaking the cycle of abuse" is such a crunchy dynamic forever. what if i'm giving my all to give you a better life than i had and i'm succeeding but "better" just isn't quite enough. what if my blind spots and deeply ingrained trauma and inexperience mean that you will be indelibly scarred by me despite my best efforts. what if my abuser's influence still bleeds through at times because i know nothing else. what if i go so far in the opposite direction to avoid it that i hurt you in ways i couldn't have anticipated. what if my undeniable love and unforgivable shortcomings came part and parcel with each other. what if your love and gratitude and resentment and pain came part and parcel too. what if we both knew you deserved better but i was all you had. what if we had to move forward and reckon with that. what then

so funny that hayden and jj get mad at shane for doing something that essentially boils down to Lying at Work. oh he didnt tell you about ilya. hes at work. you can lie at work who cares.