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gar-wafflez

ihatejonarbuckle

garfield lementing his sorry lot in life (having to live with evil incarnate aka jon arbuckle)

ihatejonarbuckle

please stop reblogging this to talk about the garfussy. let's stay on topic.

orcboxer

but I'm a grink. I'm a typo

tiktoksforlosers

X

seat-safety-switch

"Mother, where do dentists go when they die?" asked a young boy at the department store. He was pulling on his mom's skirt with shaking hands. Hands that feared. Feared that he had already taken one too many steps into the irreversible change that is becoming a doctor of dental surgery.

It was not up to him. Across this great land, millions of people become dentists every year through a process that is still as yet unknown to science. No matter what honeyed lie his beloved maternal parent told him that afternoon, fate had already cast that particular arrow. His nascent curiosity into a deviant lifestyle would lead inexorably to being sent to Dentist Hell upon his eventual and premature demise.

Now, Dentist Hell is not really that bad of a place, at least not according to the new Pope. Most people would describe it as pleasant but uncomfortable. When Dante wrote about it, he described it as basically an infinitely long waiting room, with popular hits on the muzak system and one of those little waterfalls. At least, that's on the customer side. Because they had not yet invented competent maxillofacial dental surgery in his time, Dante only had to visit Dentist Hell briefly in order to get a crown adjusted, and was not himself condemned to the supply side. He rated it well on Hell Yelp.

Certainly, your average tooth-attacking professional will be going to a better place than whatever asshole designed the parking lot outside the department store. Damn near ran over someone fleeing the dental school in tears, clutching a smoking Bible.

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swishersposts

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

zsnes

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

targuzzler-deactivated20180224

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

theehorsepusssy

mf-dude

Ziyal in DS9 is like if a woman's dad was Goebbels and after the second world war she was stuck living in the duty-free zone of an american airport

bugged-ubuntu

Idk why but it feels weird to buy just a single can of air duster and nothing else. I promise I'm not going to huff this, random guy at Best Buy who wouldn't give a shit even if he thought I was gonna.

plushie-girl-420

one time I bought air duster along with some other stuff at a walmart and the frat-boy-esque cashier asked me if I was going to huff it. after telling him no he said something along the lines of "Damn, you should try it some time" and I had to stand there in akward silence while he finished bagging my shit.

bleghablah

I'll try a lot of things, but aerosol propellant is not one. I used to take the train home to the suburbs from downtown late at night years and years ago, and there was this one guy who took the same train and while waiting for a connection he'd huff aerosols

Dude looked like he was having a bad fucking time lol, like absolutely freaking the fuck out. Ever since then Ive been as turned off by huffing aerosols as taking large quantities of benadryl. It seems like one of those highs that will fuck you up, and you'll have a bad time while its doing it.

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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coolyo294

The shogun of sengoku-era america, Abraham Lincoln

bleghablah

I'd play Rollercoaster Shōgun for sure.

Oh shit the Newman's Own salad dressing guy is in this movie.

Every time I maturbate I end up throwing my turtle against the wall?

He's ok for now but I dont think he can take much more :(

Edit: he's not in the room when I do it. I go find him...

storyweavingspider

Lindsey Graham getting confirmed as a sissy by the pre-transition sex worker he hired a decade ago isn’t something I planned to learn this fast but damn.

dreadwife

it's so funny when men try to act like walter white is a stoic badass when he spends 50% of the show's run time looking like this

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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rabbiteclair

scientists have recently announced that exoplanet HR 3499a is no longer believed to be potentially capable of supporting life, after new spectroscopic readings indicated that it doesn't even have a dishwasher. "i mean, it doesn't even have a fucking dishwasher," said the lead researcher. "I guess you could live there, but, like, would you really want to?"

tamamita

Notice how Charlie Kirk is awfully quiet about Mitch McConnell and Lindsey Graham? Curious.

tamamita

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