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Georgie: You got me there

Yasubame - mounted archery (Japan).

i am in pain

- “IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY!!” - “you arent mad at me right? Oh my god you are! IM SORRY” - “is this my for me? Can I use this? Can I drink this? Can I-” - “pls help me make this decision for me” - “do what you please!!!” “What if that makes everyone mad at me” -studying people intensely because you are afraid you might do something that will make them mad - Saying something in a tone louder than usual and feeling like this is your last day alive - low self stem - feeling mentally and emotionally exhausted after expressing any sort of feeling and crying right after that - when someone talks or does something in an attitude thats not usual from them and Knowing That It’s Your Fault - “i dont deserve this why are you doing this for me” - not knowing the difference between a joke, sarcasm, and passive aggressive speech - unhealthily clinging to anyone who’s remotely nice to you - not knowing what to say NEVER - not knowing how to react to compliments, nice words, genuine care or anything like that and feeling incredibly sick at the thought of someone genuinely loving you - Crying. - having to explain every single movement and word you do and say to literally anyone - being really good at lying and pretending as a survival strategy - Not living, surviving. - calculating and overthinking everything you do and say, the time you say it, how you say it, the expression you have when you say it, your voice tone…everything - getting panic attacks over the tiniest things - unhealthily clinging to fictional characters and shows - lack of energy to do anything because you use a lot of effort in every single movement you do - “im useless” - when someone compliments you on something and you needing to be Perfect at it because then you dont have any reason to live - intrusive thoughts - Perfectionism - Over sensitiveness - “It’s my fault.” - not knowing how to react about criticism - Isolation - getting startled when someone touches you - being hyperaware of your surroundings and at the same time having no time and space perception - believing everything everyone says - Feeling like any day is your last day

So my 2016 eventing season started rather beautifully.

source: The Ottawa Evening Herald, January 27, 1902.

Are you ready to see true darkness?