kelly.

begged + what’s wrong with me + cigarette smoke = nightmare blunt rotation. KILLER trifecta.

no because seriously. what if our relationship got to the point where i feel like an endlessly voracious monster full of insatiable needs and your efforts to change don't satisfy me because i know you're only trying because i've begged and begged and begged you for more? but i stay, because what is the alternative? and i cling, and wait, and feel the hole within me expanding with each passing second. what happens when this relationship used to be so joyous, happy, and you were so different to all the others, but now that things have taken a turn, i've come to realize your love hasn't fixed me in any real way--that the sadness and inescapable feelings of wrongness that are in me seem to be just. inherently part of me? what if you only serve to exacerbate all my personal issues and i feel so sick and bad constantly and you're the common denominator? and i'm scared to say anything because things have been good, there has been so much good in this relationship, but there's a feeling rising within me that i can't shake; there might not be anything physically wrong with me, but there's you. what do i do when all is said and done and you're gone and i'm left with only small remnants of you and memories that are now forever embedded within me? i don't know why i clung, or kept trying, or poured so much of myself into you and this relationship because in the end, you loved me until you saw the whole truth of me and turned away. i mourn the time i lost to you; i carry the weight of having loved you, and the heavier weight of having stayed on my own volition. will you tell me something, anything, to help make these memories easier to excise?