I do think that one day we’re going to have to talk about how “autism moms” are victims too but we’re fr not ready and probably won’t be for a very long time. but i’ll just say there’s a reason there aren’t “autism dads” and it’s not bc women are uniquely evil towards autistic children.
this would also require us to have a conversation about the appropriateness of “autism” as a diagnosis for such a wide variety of presentations and the fact that over-inclusion makes things functionally meaningless. bc a lot of the demonization of “autism moms” (and dgmr I fundamentally disagree with autism moms but listen) hinges on the fact that low-support needs, functionally just socially awkward autistic people dominate the narrative obscuring that there are aggressive, nonverbal, extremely high support needs children with only an “autism” diagnosis and all of their care is falling just on mom bc there is absolutely no social or behavioral support network for these women, nevermind functional social services.
like… of course they want a “cure”… of course they resent their children. they’re functionally trapped. their entire lives revolve around the care of these kids (who often physically hurt them) who they are completely unequipped to deal with or help with absolutely no end in sight. they’re not right in their conclusions but you can see why they want to believe them. you can see why they are desperate for a way out if you only just consider for a second that they are human beings being utterly failed by society and not just evil monsters who hate their kid who likes trains a little too much.
and while we’re at it we’ll probably have to talk about self dxing as autistic as a form of “not like other girls”-ism and moral superiority/virtue signaling which led to these “socially awkward at best” types becoming the face of autism and further obscuring and demonizing these mothers who are genuinely suffering and need support. if autism is just Better Than You Disorder then ofc there’s no reason for anyone to feel bad for “autism moms”, they’re obviously just mean girl karens fulfilling their role in your perpetual persecution complex, after all, you’re “autistic” and you’re fine! you don’t need significantly more support or resources than your mother alone could ever hope to provide for you.
