hewwo?

whenever people talk about working in an office i never even consider what their office does. they work at Business doing Business Things. have Meetings and Drink Coffee. you are a cartoon character to me

#i am not immune to 'girl with axe larger than she is'#[presses finger to ear] I'm getting word that that phrase is not meant to mean 'am physically vulnerable to'#well what the hell is it meant to mean if not 'take full damage from during combat'

new bit, it’s called “the wrong twin died.” any time you’re talking about an alive person who you dont like, say something like “yeah he sucks. the wrong twin died.” make up a fake story about how the person used to have a twin but the twin died tragically and they were probably nicer than the one who survived.

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cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

dude, this is really scary, and liminal as well. It's like the bathrooms

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

those suffering from horrible transformations (lycanthropy, witch's curse, fourier, etc)

You guys ever see a DNI that makes you break out into laughter and almost cry

Imagine if a major sport like professional football had multiple rival clans of referees, each with their own version of the rulebook, and which set of rules you played under was decided by a complex dance of referee politics that determined which clan had the right to officiate each game.

I’m not constructing an obtuse metaphor here – I just think it would be awesome.

person whose birthday is coming up: yeah i'm like a bodhisattva now. i don't really "want" things. yeah i've renounced all earthly desires. so no i don't know what i want for my birthday