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I've been in the fandom for about 5 years. One could describe it as the full fan mode when it's been my most favourite fandom all those years, constantly on my mind.
While waiting for GO 3 after S02, I've been going through many difficult situations; dealing with mental health problems, moving out from intolerable flatmates, uni final exams, a messy relationship and a break up... And this show had been helping me hold on.
I couldn't imagine a reality where we don't get a happy ending. Yet we ended up in it somehow.
It's not like I completely hate S03 though. I'm all okay until the moment our boys get stranded in the bookshop in the middle of nowhere. That's where I need to stop because the rest made me spiral into an anxiety attack so bad that I barely ate for a week.
A month later? I'm still trying to cope.
But I think I'm probably not doing a good job adjusting to reality – I'm just ignoring my feelings about the finale otherwise I wouldn't be able to function. That's it.
I daresay that the ending of S03 was worse than the one of S02. Because after S02, I was able to watch edits about it and hope. Whereas now, there's no hope – it's the end. Nothing else is coming, this is it.
With our boys erased from the existence...
I know many people consider Asa and Anthony to be AziraCrow but forgive me, they are not.
As I said in one of my previous posts, S02 literally showed us that Gabriel without his memories was someone completely different, and now we're supposed to believe Crowley and Aziraphale – without their memories, with different names and looks – are them?
I'm sorry, but that just doesn't work for me. I'm glad it does for some people but no matter how much I'm trying to convince myself about that possibility, it's not working.
I hope I will gradually find the strength in me to accept the end without crying but I'm not there yet.
There we have the word again – hope. Because that's always the only thing left, isn't it? The only option is to be the hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams. No matter how much it's killing you.
We are living in a timeline where the GO finale involved Aziraphale and Crowley never properly making up, spending a grumpy day together, and then dying.
I need to keep reminding myself of that. Because this outcome was so unimaginable to me. In the 990 days I spent waiting for the finale I never once considered this possibility.
This is the ending that we got. I'm getting closer to accepting it, but I'm not quite there. That's why I'm making this post - not to rile up the fandom that I know is divided. I love the positive takes too, keep em comin'. I just... need a little more time to accept that this is what we got.
I think on the other side of it I will be able to say: Yes, that was a show I loved. Didn't love the ending. But that's true for lots of shows. You've just gotta exist in the moments before that end and in all the art that comes after.
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fuck, I just realised one thing and started to cry again
Aziraphale asked Crowley what he wants, and said "I only want one thing and that's not what this is about any more"
He only wanted to be with Crowley. That was the thing.
And when Crowley says what he wants... You see the disappointment in Aziraphale's eyes.
Basically, in S02, Aziraphale chose fixing Heaven over Crowley. In S03, Crowley chose helping humans over Aziraphale...
It has always been about doing the right thing, wasn't it? Aziraphale chose Heaven because he believed it's the right thing to do, and so did Crowley when he chose humanity, no matter how much it broke their hearts.
That doesn't make the ending any less than it is, mind you.
Aziraphale understood why Crowley said that – he knew what the sensible choice was but hoped Crowley wouldn't choose it somehow.
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God destroying Aziraphale and Crowley? when they finally got together?
Nah, I don't buy it
I don't believe She would destroy them completely, She loves watching them interact like two idiots in love that they are in every alternate universe
I believe She was testing them. She likes testing humans, as much as testing Crowley and Aziraphale. It's her ineffable game after all.
AziraCrow are God's favourite toys. I'm imagining She keeps watching them with popcorn in various lives or something.
They're not fully gone, nah. God would be bored without them.
AKA
Given Michael's comment during the interview, they ”choose annihilation“ as a sacrifice for humanity, it's noble and all that, but that doesn't mean it's what actually happens.
For anyone who needs them. (Me. God, my therapist is going to hear the entire plot of GO 3 tomorrow whether he likes it or not, I can vividly see that.)
I'll keep adding more when I find some. Feel free to point out if you've seen anything else, I'll add it.
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S02 literally showed us how important memories are, how Jim wasn't really Gabriel without his memories.
And then we get this ending in S03 where Aziraphale and Crowley cease to exist and instead there are some Asa and Anthony who don't remember shit about what our boys experienced together. And we're supposed to take it as a happy ending?!
Someone pointed out that it's like experiencing Job's situation: we had children (our boys) that were taken away from us, we were given new ones (their lookalikes), and were told we're supposed to be thankful.
I'm currently googling stages of grief to figures out which ones I've skipped.
Honestly, I agree with Crowley's “heart broken, world broken, what's the point of anything” – that's literally how I feel about the finale...
