Bi Til I Die

All of earth:

This man really chose an actual super villain over a sweet, cupcake baking beauty and had the audacity to put us through that “singing”.

Cole: Honey, take a Ritalin.

Zainab: Use your words, boo boo.

Raven: One cannot expect the razzle dazzle if one only exhibits the personality of a potato.

SK: I am so sorry. Run. Run from these coked up, self obsessed loons and never look back.

Colleen: Not a single soul gives a single fuck that you’re a ballerina, henny. Not a one.

Matt: Deeeeep breaths, in and out. You’re givin’ off a real ‘Tom Cruise jumping on the couches’ vibe.

Nancy: You and your 100 children and your gorgeous rack deserve so much better in life. Lead your 100 bio-kids like a small baby army and destroy your foes.

Bartise: Boy WHAT THE FUCK. You’ve got the human equivalent of an actual rainbow over here adoring you and you can’t get over Stripper Barbie™️ who did fucking pilates while you were breaking it down about the darkest moments of your life?! stahp.

Every goddamn time I watch Izzy Stevens cut the mother fucking LVAD wire I swear I have a blood pressure incident.

I have genuinely never wanted to smack a fictional character more in my life.

And then people are like “wHy Do GrEyS fAnS nOt LikE IzZy”… like bitch, she’s our Thanos mmkay?

Sis should have been in prison for ✨attempted murder✨, not given a redemption arc like 2 episodes later.

And zero hate to Katherine Heigl because I genuinely adore her, it’s her phenomenal acting that makes it so real and infuriating.

-they do not all need to be 19 hours long. I am a tiny gal with a smol bladder. 2 hrs is enough goddamnit!

-they do not all need to be absolute cinematic masterpieces to be enjoyable. show me some pretty people kickin’ butt and crackin’ jokes and i’m good. call me simple. call me lame. that’s fine. at least i’m out of the house and not rewatching the same 3 shows over for the 14th time.

-please do not show me anymore origin stories for overdone superheroes. we know. bad guy murder the bat boys mommy and daddy. boy bitten by roided out spider. alien baby live in corn field. we know. just pick up somewhere else in the story for the love of god.

-the previews are now longer than a full episode of television. stop it.

-can you just put the post credit scenes after the movie. i know its wrong, but i do not care who the ‘creative executive assistant director of directing’ or whatever in the fuck is. my brain hasn’t the space. i have to pee so bad at this point in the movie. plz.

-Shanique is immature AF. She needs more life experience to learn patience and humility before that kind of commitment to another person. She is a sweet gal, just needs to grow up some.

-Randall is surprisingly sane for reality TV, but not great at listening to his instincts. He was right that the relationship needed more time before marriage, but ultimately caved to the pressure. I hope he speaks up more so that their relationship does well because they do seem like nice folks.

-Colby is manipulative. I don’t like how he turns everything back on Madlyn and makes it her fault. He acted so different at the start, to the point the audience almost roots for him, but it becomes obvious very quickly that it’s all an act.

-Madlyn should have had more time to reflect on what she really wants and needs. I am glad she is seemingly happy with her choice and that they have a baby girl on the way, but it does make you wonder if the cameras weren’t there if she would have made the same choice.

-Rae is fickle. She doesn’t seem to know what she wants. Even after she “gets” Jake at the end and tanks someone else’s relationship in the process, she all the sudden acts underwhelmed with him. Like girl, take some time and focus on you.

-Jake looks and acts like an 13 year old boy who is excited to see boobs for the first time at all times. Also he is a total flake. “I won’t run off with Rae!” ….*immediately runs off with Rae*

-Zay has been through a lot. He is doing his best I think, but he needs counseling to work through some pretty obvious trauma. Taking him on this show and making him air that out was not ever going to be helpful. I mostly feel for the guy and hope he gets what he needs.

-April, guuuurl, take a sedative. She seems genuine but the way she steamrolls people constantly is exhausting to watch. I do empathize a lot with her struggles with infertility. I am relieved that she can move on and find a different path to love and motherhood because she did deserve better than Flakey Jakey™️.