it’s always been important to me to make sure you feel safe first. before anything else. before my hands go anywhere. i need you to feel safe. that’s the whole foundation. everything else comes after.
i’m not going to reach for you before you’re ready. i’m just going to be here. present. calm. a soft place to land after whatever the day did to you. and i want you to take your time getting here. take your shoes off. put your bag down. let the door close behind you and just... breathe. you don’t have to be okay yet. you don’t have to be anything yet.
when you’re ready.. i’ll be right here.
and when you do find me, i’m going to open my arms and let you decide how close you want to be. if you want to be held i’ll hold you. if you want to sit beside me and just feel someone nearby i can do that too. if you need a minute before you can even be touched i have that minute. i have all of them. there’s nowhere else i need to be, except here with you.
and if you let me hold you i’m going to do it properly. both arms. your face against my neck or my chest or wherever feels right. i’m just going to let you feel me. let you feel that someone has you. that you don’t have to hold yourself together right now because i’m doing that. i’ve got you.
i’m going to stroke your hair. your back. slow and repetitive and completely without agenda. the kind of touch that isn’t asking for anything. that’s just saying i’m here. you’re safe. i’ve got you. over and over without words until your body starts to believe it.
and i’m going to wait.. i’m good at waiting. i’m going to wait until i feel your shoulders drop. until your breathing slows down and evens out. until the grip you have on my shirt loosens because you’re not holding on for dear life anymore. you’re just holding on because it feels good to. because you want to.
that might take ten minutes. it might take an hour. it doesn’t matter. we have so much time.
and while we’re there i might talk softly. just the sound of a voice that isn’t asking anything of you. that’s just there keeping you company while you come back to yourself. and you don’t have to respond. you don’t have to do anything except be here.
at some point i’m going to press a kiss to your hair. and then another one to your forehead. slow. like i have all the time in the world to be gentle with you. because i do.
and my hands are going to keep moving. your back. your sides. your arms. slow and warm and learning you. touching you like you’re worth being touched this carefully. because you are. you always have been. even on the days you forget it.
and somewhere in there you might start to soften in a different way. something shifting from comfort to wanting. and that’s okay. that’s so okay. your body is allowed to want things. you’re allowed to want things. there’s nothing wrong with that and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.
if that happens i’m going to follow your lead. completely. whatever pace you set is the pace we move at. if you reach for me i’ll be there. if you want to go slow we go slow. if you want to stop at any point we stop. no questions. no disappointment. just. whatever you need.
and if it does go further i’m going to keep that same gentleness. that same care. i’m not going to change on you. the hands that were stroking your hair are the same hands that touch you now. nothing gets rougher or faster or more urgent unless you want it to. we can stay soft the whole way through. we can stay in this same warmth.
i’m going to check in with you. are you okay? still with me? how does that feel? because i want to know. because your experience matters to me. because this isn’t just about what i want. it’s about making sure you feel good. feel safe. feel like yourself. feel like someone who deserves to be taken care of.
and after… whatever after looks like. i’m going to hold you again. bring you water. pull the blanket up. press a kiss to your forehead and mean every single part of it.
you deserve someone who takes their time with you like this. who doesn’t rush you or push you or make you feel like you have to perform. who lets you be exactly where you are and meets you there.
