i am a woman at war with herself, torn forever between my love of detective fiction and my hatred of cops and cop media

it's so fucked up that detective is a type of cop irl. it's more like a gender to me

fun little fall/winter mood enhancers— sleeping under your duvet for the first time since spring, thymes frasier fir hand + dish soap, good socks, taste testing trader joe’s fall foods, feeling crisp fall air on your cheek as you walk in the sunshine, new hand cream on your desk, finally visiting that art museum upstate, ordering latkes and watching when harry met sally, purchasing and burning candles, hearing children playing in the park, baking pumpkin cranberry bread, being grateful this is your one precious life.

pikachu is drowning

This ain't about him

You can’t deserve a person’s love. You’ll drive yourself crazy thinking like that. They either love you, or they don’t. That doesn’t mean you weren’t good enough for them to love you, because love isn’t something you earn by being good enough. It isn’t something that can be quantified or doled out. Don’t blame yourself for not being loved how you need to, just teach yourself how to look for love where love lives.

This isn’t just about romantic love, or even skewed towards romantic love, although it does apply there too. One of the hardest things I’ve ever had to accept is that my mother simply wasn’t someone who was capable of loving me, and there is no version of me that I could have ever been that would have earned that love. But with acceptance came healing. I was able to love myself more instead of resenting myself for not being more than any one person could be.

Are you listening? Even love for yourself isn’t earned. It is a kindness you give yourself.