The bitch dances alone

“move my arm is falling asleep”

“i can’t breathe”

“just jam your knee right up my crotch. this is fine”

“omg get up you’re taking up the whole bed”

“did you just fart” “yes” “it’s okay. release your demons”

“did you just fart” “yes” “okay.” *ten seconds later* “AUGH”

“you’ve got bad breath” “omg do i really” “yes” “i’m so sorry” “it’s okay”

*hand is accidentally on a boob/nipple/genital* “omg don’t move”/”omg i’m so sorry”

*can hear the other’s tummy gurgle*

“i’m hungry” “i’m not moving”

“i have to pee” “nooooooo”

*right as one person is about to fall asleep, one of their body parts jerk and it scares the poop out of the other person*

*hours later when they’ve both fallen asleep and are no longer cuddling, one person stretches and softly punches the other in the face*

bonus:

“do you remember when you used to think you were straight”

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃ SUPER MARIO BROS. COCKTAIL

3oz (90ml) Vanilla Ice Cream 1oz (30ml) Vodka Blue Food Coloring 1oz (30ml) Baileys Garnish: Red Velvet cupcake crumbles and Whipped Cream

Instagram Photo Credit : @futurecocktail

Post your original recipe and photo on Instagram using #TipsyBartender and we will repost the best ones. Each month, the pics with most likes wins $300, 2nd Place $200, 3rd Place: $100.r

Vivian & Nemisx