if i can't move heaven, i'll raise hell

today i hung out w my 15 y/o brothers girlfriend and i jokingly was like “tell me embarrassing stuff about him” and she was like “ok. he has a piss kink” and was 100% serious and i almost crashed the fucking car

*thinks about my trauma* i come with lore

people who don’t believe in ghosts or aliens or multiple realities are so boring... u only believe what ur feeble little eyes tell you? what your liar brain tells you? there’s more to all of this

genuinely enjoying and being okay with watching someone play video games rather than playing it yourself is younger sibling culture.

I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found

maybe the real treasure was this gun i found along the way

That’s executive disfunction baby

bro keep this between us but your vibes are luscious as fuck today

someone: what do u do for fun? me: *realizes I don’t have fun*

Hold my hand bro we’re crossing the street

living in the countryside really strikes the fear of god into you at the most random moments. you’ll just make eye contact with a cow or stare for too long into a brook and all of a sudden you’ll think something like “these are old bones and i am merely a passing occupant” and then you have to go and put the kettle on to cope

whats god to a feral woman

i love student housing. i’m in the common room waiting for a friend and there’s some dude crying on the couch w a bunch of his friends around him and i can only hear bits and pieces but someone asked him “who gets the minecraft server if you guys break up?” and he started crying harder and a 3rd person reached over to smack the guy who asked it on the back of the head

university is the best place on earth bc everyone has like 400 iq points but we’re all collectively only using 18 of them (7 on weekends but we have to share them)

I JUST CHECKED THIS IS REAL IM SCREAMING