bad bitch of barad-dûr

no i don’t hold onto resentment ever. Hope they die though however

“who is “they”?” They’ll know. they know what they’ve done

me and the boys have a couple of chains wrapped around the sword in the stone hooked up to mikes toyota tundra gonna pull that fucker out like a tooth.

Me and the boys misunderstood the arcane nature of the stone and now the Toyota is king of England

“tattoos are going out of style” they’ve been around for a thousand years im sorry you’re conservative now get well soon ig

After many years of selective breeding, they've finally developed a breed of phoenix that, rather than self-immolating itself into ash, instead roasts itself to a perfect internal 165° F while burning off all the feathers, resulting in an instant, ready-to-eat poultry dinner.

If you are a vampire NEVER feed from someone named Richard. 400 fucking years and everyone still calls me Dick Sucker

I am a huge fan of retiring to my quarters

I didn’t listen to the parental advisory warning on American Idiot and now I’m gay and I hate the government

This is your captain speaking and yeah we’re not landing. I just feel like we’ve got a really good thing up here and I don’t want to ruin it. This is my home and you are my people

We never have to go back

ok whatever idc *bites you so hard and dont let go*

clicking a pen over and over again is actually fun as fuck its a shame it makes everyone in a 30 foot radius want to kill me with a rock

I love chain lightening what a classic spell. fuck you and you and you and you and you and

the country boys are wearing athleisure. the suburban boys are wearing cowboy shit. The city boys are wearing pristine carhartt. And me ? That’s right. Buck ass naked