Make sure you spend $4000 this summer on iced lattes and pasta salad from the cafe

uihhhm waiter. theres a challenging theme in my soup

im suuuuuper tired. i think ill stay up for another 5-24 hours

april fools in a few weeks. who will ask me to be their fool

Thank god I’m not a gay guy I’d be Evil as fuck probably killing people too

they need to invent a way to throw yourself through windows that doesn't result in any actual harm or damage. like i want to crash through a window and then walk back into the room 1 second later unscathed and also the window is completely intact

hey sexy. I can tell by the frequency of your blog updates that you are once again avoiding it all

what. if. it’s. not. meeaaaaannnt. for me. ……love

woman with lame ass drug of choice becomes sober out of embarrassment

fuck i love not being a mother

in my country we dont have roads and recently a calf gave birth to a snake

broooooo ahaha that's so epic. do you mind if i grow fond of you

some of y’all bout to be real mad at me. but it must be said. some of the shit u call corny/cringy is actually just genuine/cute/sweet and y’all r just afraid of expressing any type of positive emotion