Bebe Perez

All harvey wanted to do, in that very moment, was hold her in his arms again. it was the feeling of her head against his chest, their arms intertwined, their heartbeats slowly syncing up together that had used to make harvey feel like he’d finally understood what love was. despite all the signs that love wasn’t for him – his parents, the industry, his past attempts that simply turned to shit … she was the one thing that left him with hope. breaking up was a mistake … she had said. he’d spent so many restless nights dreaming of her saying something like that, and while his heart was racing at a million miles an hour, his dreams didn’t prepare him with something to say back. “if i’m being honest … i-i think it was too.” when his eyes met hers, he felt his heart skip a beat, felt his chest flare up in a warmth he had forgotten. harvey gulped, his stomach flipping upside down as she continued. “no … no, why would that be crazy?” he felt his lips turn up into a small smile, sensing perhaps his feelings were still reciprocated. “god, you brought out the best in me, bebe. you still do.” harvey gulped; while his emotions were undoubtedly clouding his judgment, the logician inside wanted to know more. “where’s … where’s all this going, b? i just … don’t want to … don’t want either of us to get hurt.”

Dani nodded her head in agreement, smiling slightly as she took another bite from her bowl. “Um, there’s really no easy way to say this, but uh…” Her eyes moved along the room, trying to find something to focus on that wasn’t Bebe. “Harvey and I were talking before you and him got together and like, him and I were about to date but then he got busy so things kind of broke off and then you guys started dating so I didn’t say anything because you were so happy with him and he was happy with you and ran into him during one of my runs and now him and I have been talking back and forth for like the last week.” She said quickly, closing her eyes as she covered her face with her hands.

Bebe listened, brows furrowing as Dani went on and she tried to process the words. Suddenly it was like she slipped into an alternate universe because in what world would her friend and bandmate be telling her she had a secret history with her ex-boyfriend? “Danielle....” She trailed, feeling her face flush with a mix of anger and embarrassment. “You guys were involved? And you never told me? What the fuck...” She suddenly stood up from her seat, laying her guitar back in its case and running her hands through her hair. “Did you guys hook up or something? Were you two talking when he and i were together?”

“I’ve uh, been having a hard time with lyrics lately…” Dani said, sighing. Her heart was hammering in her chest, Bebe and Harvey are talking again. It was the only thing running through her mind as she sat there and stared at her guitar. “So, um, you and Harvey are talking again… I’m assuming.” She muttered, eyes flickering down to the floor before looking back at Bebe, trying to hide the frown on her face.

Dani had no idea why she was feeling this way- her and Harvey aren’t together, right? Sucking in a deep breath, she cleared her throat, “B, I, I, need to tell you something…” She muttered quietly, hand fiddling with the fabric of her shirt.

“Writer’s block is a bitch, but inspiration will hit. You just have to write what you feel.” Bebe shrugged, pasting a reassuring smile on her face. “We talked. It was intense, I guess. But it made some things clearer.” She added as she busied herself opening up some food and popping a few fries into her mouth. “Sure, what’s up, D?”

He took a deep breath, knowing that despite how hard the conversation seemed in the moment, this was what he’d wanted for so so long: to really talk to bebe about how and why their relationship ended. the softness in her voice revealed a vulnerability in the girl, one that might have been hidden behind that glowing confidence. it made him feel just as soft, his limbs going numb as he searched for the words to say. “you don’t know how many times i’ve asked myself that,” he started, his eyes afraid to look up into hers, for fear that tears might start to well up in his eyes. “i don’t think i could ever really come up with a good answer to that. we just got busy, is all …” his voice trailed off as he felt his heart start beating with a fervor, the thought of holding bebe in his arms again in the future maybe didn’t seem so impossible. “i guess i was scared. that i couldn’t give you the time you deserved anymore.” his sad eyes slowly glanced upward as he found an ounce of courage to face her again. he was embarrassed at his old self’s cowardice, and couldn’t remember why he’d let bebe go without fighting for her at all. maybe they’d both gotten so caught up in the glitz and glam of hollywood, but by god, was that a mistake. 

He hadn’t expected their relationship to be brought up already, their first real, extended conversation since they had broken up. but he couldn’t say that he was upset. despite the underlying feelings that tugged at his heartstrings every time he saw her, he didn’t know how she felt. the least that he wanted from this was closure … but perhaps there was room for hope still. the way she spoke made him feel free from a weight he hadn’t even realized was weighing him down. he’d spent countless nights speculating about what he could have done wrong, about what he could have done to hold onto their relationship. before he could respond, the waiter interrupted his train of thought, distracting him from the new emotions he was starting to feel and process. he followed her lead, ordering the same ( she had even gotten him hooked onto soda ) before rubbing his chin. harvey took a long, deep breath before reigniting the conversation, wanting to make sure he wouldn’t say the wrong thing. “for what it’s worth … i was never unhappy either. you could never make me unhappy.” his voice was vulnerable and low, different, more sensitive from his previous tones. he bit his bottom lip, folding his nervous hands together on the table in front of him.

Dani listened as her bandmate played, eating her food and bobbing her head slighty, “Okay, you’re a lyrical genius.” She said, eyes wide. “I have a few rough lyrics written,” dani muttered as she grabbed her notebook. “Not getting married, not having kids, why should we go on longer than this? I’m sorry baby, it’s time to go. If I’ll ever settle down, I just don’t know…” she sang with a half-assed melody.

Dani clapped her hands excitedly as she took the bag, “You’re an angel, oh my God.” She said, laughing. At the mention of Harvey, Dani’s smile faltered slightly, “Oh, you saw Harvey the other day?” She asked, feigning surprise. Dani wouldn’t tell Bebe this, but her and Harvey had been texting each other over the past couple of days. Grabbing a hold of the phone, her eyes scanned over the lyrics before she nodded her head.

“Let me hear it, B.”

Bebe noticed Dani’s expression changed but tried to brush it off. Even when they’d been together, she’d gotten the impression that her friend didn’t like when she’d talk about her former boyfriend so her assumption had always been that the other girl wasn’t all that fond of him. “Yeah, it gave me a lot of clarity, I think.” She shrugged as she started playing the chords, letting herself block out everything else as she started to softly sing the lyrics, “High and we don't need anyone, anyone. Here in the dark, I feel my heart...and we react like chemicals, chemicals...here in the darkness, I feel my heart race.” She’d been thinking of him when she wrote them, of how she’d felt when they first met and suddenly she constantly felt electric. “Oh, when we lock eyes, come with me, don't kill the vibe. Look around, no one's inside, hold me down if I get too wild...” Bebe continued and sang the rest of the song, making sure not to gauge Dani’s reaction as she went because otherwise, she’d make herself too anxious. She just tried to think about the experiences that inspired the track to begin with. When she finished, she looked back up at her friend, excited for feedback and eager to hear what she thought. “What do you think? I know it’s rough but once we figure out the production and everyone else is playing on it I think it’ll sound completely epic.”

She was just what he needed, and exactly at the right time. her bubbly and optimistic personality brought the little bit of sunshine that harvey harbored out into the open, or least, in the open with her. she was wonderful, challenged him in the best ways without nagging him or pushing him too far, like she knew where his limits were naturally. and he had to admit, as skeptical as he used to be about having a place in the media, his relationship with her certainly gained some more attraction to pantheon in the following months. not that it was important, though: harvey just wanted to be with her, in every capacity of the word. “okay, i trust you,” he responded with a chuckle of his own, finding that he was surprised by the weight of his words, even when laced with a humorous, light-hearted tone. because it was true, he did still trust her, maybe more than he even realized. it almost scared him. harvey followed bebe into the restaurant and to their table, silently hoping there would be no prying eyes or audible gasps during this meal … selfishly, he really wanted time to themselves, without people asking for photos or autographs between their every word. he could feel himself tense up, but upon hearing bebe mention their so-called ‘honeymoon phase’, he found that his smile wound up relaxing his muscles. “oh,” was what slipped between his lips. of course, now would be the time where his brain would turn to mush and have no response for what she had said other than ‘oh’. his teeth dug into his bottom lip, eyes diverting and attaching to his fingers, which were aimlessly rubbing together, the nervousness showing clearly, especially to someone who knew him like bebe. “i’m sorry … t-that things went south from there. i-i mean … i’m sorry that there was even a point when things weren’t happy or easy. because that’s what relationships should be like, right?” his train of thought was interrupted by the appearance of a waiter, and while bebe was momentarily distracted, he found himself looking at her, drinking in her soft features again like old times. 

WE FINALLY GOT THE DIRT FROM CHERRY SODA’S BIJOU PEREZ

//          bebe ! *

Bebe had taught harvey a lot about the media in the time that they had been together: the fact that there had been a surge in posts about them together had only made him learn faster. but even knowing how much the spotlight scared him sometimes, she made him feel comfortable, never pushing him to reveal too much or say too much. he owed a lot of the newer confidence he had to her. “hey, there’s no way that’s true. i’m certain you guys have tons of fans waiting to hear what you guys have to offer. and even if you don’t … i’m excited to hear it, so at least that makes two of us.” he smiled at her, a soft but genuine grin spreading across his lips. her next words threw him off guard: of course, he’d never admit that he almost wanted her say something like that, for validation of the relationship they had, but it still didn’t mean he was prepared to hear them. he gulped, buying just a little more time to think of what to say. “no um … yeah, of course. of course it’s alright with me. i mean, it shouldn’t matter anyway, you should be able to write about anything you feel.” his eyes didn’t expect to meet hers when he glanced over at her, but looking into her soft brown eyes made his heart skip a beat. maybe their relationship meant more to her than he thought. he never really knew where she stood after their breakup: did she just move on with how fast her music was taking off? did she lie in bed, thinking about what they could have been if he had fought harder, just like he did? “so should i be preparing for a mob of over-analytical fans with pitchforks to come at me once the album’s out?” he joked, wanting to gauge her feelings about him. hopefully the fact that she’d just invited him to get food was an indicator that she didn’t hate him, by any means.

//           bebe ! *

He didn’t quite know what to expect. or maybe he did. harvey thought that there was a time when he knew bebe as well as he knew himself … but then again, they were only seriously together for a few months. but yet, everything in those few months was so real and raw. he didn’t know what to think of their situation, but there was one thing he was sure of: harvey still wanted to spend time with her. he smiled as he let her take the lead, never wanting to overstep the boundaries that were precariously drawn between them. “that sounds great,” he responded as he gently tucked his hands in his front pockets. instinctively, his eyes found themselves staring at the concrete sidewalk: for one, despite their more relaxed feeling, he didn’t want bebe to feel uncomfortable by any means: if that meant keeping his distance, that was what he’d do. secondly, he knew that paparazzi would be lurking ‘round the area – this was l.a., after all, and the introvert in harvey didn’t love to be photographed, especially not now. the media would have a field day if they saw harvey and bebe stepping into a restaurant together … and though it wasn’t the worst piece of news he could see on the internet about himself by any means, he still liked his privacy. “so … this album. how’re you feeling about it?” perhaps that was one way to start conversation. it was a bit fitting, given that one of the reasons ( he believed ) they broke up was because their schedules with recording was so hectic. maybe, just maybe, he could find some closure if anything, though he was secretly hoping she’d tell him about her songwriting and lyrics. the poet he was, harvey was always intrigued by artistic inspiration.

“if you go then i’ll be there. won’t let one bad party experience ruin the rest of them for me.” luther smiled at her, turning his hand up to squeeze hers in return. “yeah, i understand that. especially from the label, they want you to churn out new music while you’re still on everyone’s mind.” he hated that, that music had to be constantly delivered. he would never sacrifice quality just to get more quantity, and he felt as if he couldn’t produce the sound he wanted at the rate his label wants. “but, yeah, we have some stuff in the works. we’re releasing a new album in a few months, but don’t tell anyone i told you. it’s a secret.” he smirked, pulling his hand away to take out his phone. “i wrote one song, but this is kind of an old one that travis and i decided to put on the album. it’s called Want You Back, do you want to listen to it?”

//          bebe ! *

So maybe that wasn’t exactly the right thing to say. he shouldn’t have been so forward: he had no idea how she’d react to an offer like that. god, he was so stupid … but she was thinking about him. that had to count for something, right? and just as if she had been reading his thoughts, she offered him a lifeline. harvey almost nodded too quickly, but luckily, his words came out slower. “yeah, uh, i’m doing anything now,” he responded with a small, shy smile that rarely made an appearance these days. even in these fleeting moments, it felt good to just be with her again, not in the romantic or relationship sense, but just be around her. he missed her sunshine-y presence that offset his admitted brooding spirits. he glanced down at his bike, memories of her wrapping her arms around his waist as they shared the road clouding his judgment. instead, he took his keys and double-checked that he’d locked it. maybe they weren’t exactly back to motorcycle rides yet. “where to?”

Harvey bit his bottom lip, as if he were closing his lips to prevent a slew of confessions to come tearing through his chest. harvey had to restrain himself from social media from time to time in order to control himself from looking at what bebe was up to. she deserved her privacy just as much as the next person, and he would give it to her. he owed it to her. harvey lips turned into a soft smile when she responded, knowing that this whole conversation could have been a lot more awkward if she hadn’t shared the same sentiment. “uh y-yeah. yeah, i’d love to catch up,” he stuttered, a free hand reaching to scratch his temple. his taller frame felt vulnerable, like if she said certain words, he’d come crashing down from weakness. “i’m not doing much these days, so uh … yeah, just give me a call whenever. m-maybe we can go try that gourmet fry place or something,” he offered, his hands reaching for something to grab onto, since clearly, his emotions weren’t doing so well running so wildly in his brain. his fingers found his helmet, hiding nervous hands behind the smooth, hard material.

It took everything in him to not stare right into her brown hues, his own glancing between his own worn-down sneakers. his ears perked up as he listened to her voice, even when she stuttered her voice was silky-smooth and warm as ever. it almost made his heart even warmer ( if that was possible, in this impossible heat ) when he heard her say his bike looked familiar. like she was still thinking about him, the way he still thought of her. “well, here i am,” he smiled, his tone more friendly and sensitive rather than explanatory. “no, don’t apologize … i’m uh … i’m glad i ran into you.”

He thought his eyes were deceiving him, when he glanced to his side to see bebe standing there, next to his bike, just like old times. “no use in trying to wonder ‘bout that now,” he exhaled as he shook his head. “don’t think so, i think i would have noticed.” his tone was not matter-of-fact but more solemn, like he was grieving the loss of an old friend. “insurance should probably handle it, it’s pretty new,” harvey said in conclusion, retrieving his helmet from the back of his bike as he glanced back toward his ex. “what are you doing out here, anyway?” perhaps his words were not clear enough, but he was referring to why she was here, literally standing next to his bike. of course, there were so many times when harvey had wanted to talk to bebe again, but never did he think she’d be literally standing here, now.