ive settled in
to missing you.
a sweater,
soft and familiar
worn,
in all the right places.
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@bewitchingdelusion
ive settled in
to missing you.
a sweater,
soft and familiar
worn,
in all the right places.

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drunk & stoned
in iowa,
delirious
over prairie plains.
your daddy called me
a rouge wire
sparking &
you're a leaf unfurling
in a morning ray.
everclear &
long walks
in the evening air,
i still feel
stuck in tar.
why's it
always me
always me
always me
being devoured..
we planted seeds today
she kissed me slow
over the coffee table &
ive still got dirt
under my nails.
i havent broken my
sunday habits.
i still taste her on my tongue,
earthen & sweet.
now when it rains
she thinks of me
there are groundhogs living
underneath the porch.
i told my brother,
when he called collect.
we ran out of minutes,
the moment he warned me
one day i'll wake up buried.
i read a book
about getting lost at sea,
and now i wake up
drowning.
anyways,
to answer your question :
i keep having dreams
with you in them,
how have you been?
in its most honest form
my body is wilderness,
overgrown,
a moss meadow
crawling
with springtails and
detritus lovers.
thickets of thorns
adorn my edges &
youll find me pining
in the undergrowth.
crying for a lover
who didnt want
to trudge through my muck,
and dump the silt
from their boots.
i understand
not wanting damp socks
and dirty jeans,
but damn me
if it doesn't still sting.

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this is closure.
tho it feels more like an autopsy
than id planned.
we've got our chests
cracked open,
starlight spilling in
under the tennessee sky.
two cities between us
spilling our guts,
over a telephone line.
i still wish
i were your man,
or your girl
or your lover.
we still have those moments
we felt suspended in time.
we still make eachother better,
we can still be disarmed
with a single smile.
but we're all end,
with no start..
i dream sometimes
when we first met,
that we were different.
you confessed
you wish you accepted
the love that i was giving.
its too late now.
we're too weighed down,
too full of history.
you sent me another song,
but i cant bring myself
to listen.
you are steep incline
and a drop off point
& im falling
head over toes
wind whipping so fast
im wiping tears
into the mud.
how do you think
i got this scar
on my chin?
experience,
my friend.
ive crashed enough times
without a helmet
my brain is jello,
but you're sure?
it's me?
maybe ill believe you
after my bruises
fade to yellow &
your tan fades
to winter shades again.
heavyweight
i'm outclassed, but
still fists up in the ring
with a mouth full of spite &
a spine lined with lead.
duking it out
with my demons
& then taking them to bed.
like an angel cast out or
a martian crash landed,
i've ended up
all out of places &
empty handed.
go on then,
kick me while i'm down
i'll howl at the moon,
or block it out.
nothing much matters
with nothing to lose,
and i always take
the gamble.
i can never tell
if a change is
healing or hurting me.
happiness is abstract,
and i can always find a flaw..
my own mind
seeks out chips in the armor &
digs in til i notice.
i’m fighting against myself,
most days.
some days,
i’m staving off the darkness
with my toes in the sand.
biding my time
until it decides
to make a home in my chest,
pick apart my mind,
take over &
empty me out.
it’s always a surprise
when i find myself
knee deep in sorrow again
really, theres not been a single time
i didn’t see it coming
i start a new job next tuesday.
the month off
didn’t feel like enough &
it doesn’t pay much, but
i’ve got my severance to
help me through.
the owner
hired me on the spot
four days ago,
she says i remind her
of a childhood friend,
she says i seem like a good kid.
i didn’t answer a single question
truthfully.

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i’ve got keys to a new apartment
im not coming back,
& you can hate me if it helps.
remember when i told you
how i hate staying stagnant?
well, the tide here
keeps me shifting.
i am & i always was,
background radiation
outside your bunker
waiting to become
chernobyl.
i am & i always was,
elipses at the end of a text-
an uncertainty passing
as an end.
i am & i always was,
a loose motherfucker
with a quiet disposition.
i don’t say much-
but i appreciate
that you listened.
you came in
fragile & faint,
a whisper under water.
then raging,
a storm in the summer.
you promised,
‘i’d die
to be the one that
you hold onto.’
what a lie,
& what a massive imposition.
what a shame.
you took so much without giving,
what a crook.
still haunting me
in strangers halls,
what a ghoul.
i’d pay
to peel apart your skull.
hold
your teeth between my teeth.
rest
my tongue inside your jaw.
i had hoped to leave
much more
of a lasting impression.
i’m leaving for the coast
asheville still tugs
at my heartstrings &
ohio holds a space in my heart.
i can’t walk the streets of dayton
without your shadow on my shoulder &
if i ever return to mexico,
i might spiral to the bottom of the sea.
i might welcome the embrace.
ive got a penchant for
temperamental lovers.
i don’t know why you called me.
i heard
your boyfriends in a band &
you don’t love him,
like it seems.
that’s just a rumor.
& wishful thinking, for me.
my brother told me
about the baby &
tho it was a bit
out of the blue,
we’re proof.
a lot can happen
in a year.
i’d like to blame your parents.
you give the love
that you inherit, but
my minds not all made up.
i’m always here
when you need me &
it’s a fucking tragedy
how little it takes
to warm me back up.
i wish it were me.
& i wish,
i had the means
to make you happy.
i’ve got a girlfriend now,
but we don’t talk about that.
a lust for calamity
i remember being feral,
frothing at the mouth
inside every moment.
i’ve been feeling fallow &
im not used to a listless summer.
(at least that’s my excuse,
when you’re asking)
truthfully,
this room, this home, this city-
feel sick & suffocating.
i feel degraded
by the grief,
by the longing - god,
the longing..
i’m all inside out &
less obstinate
than i imagined at 21..
i miss,
being callous
& brazen
& witless.
oh, to feel
famished
again..

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i washed up
a hollowed out husk of a human,
& you showed such humanity
dragging me aground.
i’d demand the noose,
were i the one left
tip toeing through the tulips
in my steel toed boots -
but you’re better.
you’re the fighter.
& were i any less
of a pirate,
id keep my feet rooted firmly
to the ground
How have you been!? Any new poetry coming out anytime soon?
i've been having some major writers block. so i can't make any promises haha but i am doing ok. thanks for asking :)