cry&die

me: oh? paper towels?

my roommate: yeah thanks

me: what an interesting request

my roommate: uh—

me: disastrous for the environment, paper towels. or at least that’s what they say. swaths of forests cut down to make them every hour

my roommate: oh ok yeah i mean if you’d prefer we could look into using cloth towels—

me: oh! but bacteria builds up on cloth towels so easily. i knew a man a while back. yes, i’d even call him a friend. he died from an infection caused by a cloth towel that an environmentalist forced him to use against his will

my roommate: dude what—

me: it’s just so hard to know what the right choice is

my roommate: oh hold up you’re breaking character to go on a suspiciously detailed centrist rant, i forgot you told me you did this sometimes

TRINITY: Dodge these bullets, from my gun’s.