The Pirate Queen

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out

I’m ready to be transformed by the ibuprofen . I’m ready to be born again in its purifying light.

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

Stop saying Calvin and Hobbes it’s important to me that Calvin is six and not nine.

I take it the nine-year-old was literally driving the vehicle?

The nine-year-old was literally driving the vehicle after knocking the gear shift into Drive apparently by accident. Seven- and five-year-olds in the backseat. Nine-year-old knows in movies people stomp down on the thing on the floor and the car stops. He stomps. It is the gas.

i love naming the elephant in the room (porn) in conversation because you're not supposed to do that and people are shocked but then they always agree with me. "teen boys are a menace these days" -> it's because of porn. "that's not normal behaviour" -> it's porn addiction. "does that imagery make anyone else uncomfortable" -> it's inspired by porn. "the way women are characterized" -> it's porn mythology. like ladies we are allowed to stay this stuff out loud

tbh i love hear me outs but i also love the opposite of hear me outs where it’s like nearly everyone thinks they’re fuckable except you

count me outs

imo the term "walkable" in "walkable cities" should be understood to mean "wheelchair accessible" as well, not just literally "possible to walk in". the act of walking in a city doesn't automatically make it walkable