The bird is the word

So here's the thing. I am so. Beyond. Burnt out. Have been for years at this point but with us finally at the finish line its been making itself clearer than ever. All we're really trying to do at this point is get some furnishings so we're not sleeping on the floor (the bed frame this place came with is not big enough for two people realistically) and I've been kinda making myself literally physically sick by overexerting myself trying to power through and get shit finished and its just. Not sustainable anymore. My body & brain saw the finish line in sight and was like. This is close enough. We'll be shutting down now. Cope.

For those who haven't been here for the whole nearly decade saga, the gist is I was hate-crimed/assaulted/a whole thing in college over twenty years ago and about ten years ago, long after I thought I'd "recovered" and was past it, it turned out that lingering damage to my facial bones had been steadily eroding my jawbone all along and then finally collapsed and left me with this very weird situation of having 75% of a broken jaw & no insurance that wanted to touch it because "technically" it didn't fall under parameters for like....an actual broken jaw & kept being bumped around to TMJ specialists who could not help because it was not actually remotely TMJ and blah blah blah whatever. Left me with a host of pain, migraine, vertigo and other issues, not to mention visible facial disfiguration that didn't lend itself well to getting hired every time I lost a job because I couldn't stand up for hours on end due to it, and despite a years long stint with being unhoused with a lot of help from ppl here I was able to do some things about it that fixed a lot but not all of the issues, but I was never able to finish up with the work I needed done bc of housing issues me & my roommate Leila (@freakazxid) have been dealing with for about four to five years now. Whole thing with the building we were living in getting bought and requiring mandatory renovations as a result of that purchase meaning they had to relocate us for what was supposed to be a year but literally stretched into four - I'm not even exaggerating, it was literally four years and some months from the time we were told this would be happening until the time we moved back into the finished building a little over a month ago) and just. Yeah.

So like. Its been a long, weird road filled with a lot of stress, physical pain and housing uncertainty to get back here but we're finally back in our place, have a signed lease, have the means to regularly pay for our monthly rent, internet & medication which aside from food are our only physical needs, and I can finally get back to finishing up my physical treatments which involve getting jawbone implants (because mine has deteriorated to the point where it can't even support dentures right now - oh yeah all my teeth had to be yoinked as part of the treatment for the jaw, also a whole thing lol I'm a little over forty and have no teeth its fuuuuun, god I miss corn on the cob, never thought that'd be a thing I miss but here we are!) as well as focus on finding meds that actually work for Leila and continuing with her transition, etc. But we're like. BASICALLY stable in that technically we have all we need lined up to be stable, and we're really REALLY trying to avoid hemorrhaging the Actual Funds For Being Actually Stable to make this place like, more than four walls and a bed frame that we do not both actually fit on.

So if anyone has a spare five bucks, likes my content and just wants to support me bc of that or just for whatever reason or wants to help me get back to a place/mindset/physical ability to just....go back to creating the kind of content that brought ppl to my blog in the first place, we're just trying to get some basic furnishings, nothing fancy and then like. We'll be done with this hopefully. No more of these posts, able to just move forward, get back to some semblance of Life instead of frantically scrounging for work, donations, job opportunities, and a dozen other things seven days a week with zero stress reprieve for years on end hahahaha so much fun have I mentioned how fun this past decade has been? I know everyone's got shit and we don't have a monopoly on that so we have no expectations of help and have received more than our fair share and appreciate every cent, I'm just. Like I said. Burnt out and trying not to be and anything and everything is a boon that I would love to repay but realistically can only hope to offer maybe a somewhat soon return to the kind of posts and content that led you to my blog in the first place. Aside from old as fuck unfinished fan content I have SO many original projects I've been dying to make progress on for years, you don't even KNOW.

Anyway, our needs are actually fairly minimal I think, we're trying to get these bunk beds, yeah they're for kids lol don't judge, its two bed frames, dresser drawers and a desk for $195, we'll fucking take it, and then maybe another small corner desk for me, a couple chairs and a TV stand ideally. Oh and I'd kill for a vacuum cleaner but I mean, I'm just saying. Beyond that, there's an Olive Garden near us and this month they're doing those "All You Can Eat for $100" deals where you buy a $100 coupon or plan or whatever you wanna call it and you can eat there as many times as you want that month or something? That alone could REALLY help us out on food this month which would free up some funds for the furniture stuff we need. And then I can finally get back to the jaw stuff and maybe get some teeth back before I'm 45 lol. That's the dream!

My paypal is here, my ko-fi is here, literally just a $3 ko-fi if you like my posts or have ever found me funny or entertaining or informative or whatever lol, it helps & can literally turn around my entire day, that's one less bus ride to work I gotta worry about right there! And now I wanna be DONE with this shit and get back to using this site for what I originally came to it for in the first place....inanity, pointless fandom discourse, slightly more pointed and necessary discourse, more inanity, shit-talking with friends, etc, etc, etc ad nauseam! On that note if anyone has any topics you've missed hearing my opinion on or wanna know where I stand on something these days, feel free to pop in my inbox any time, I can't guarantee I'll get to it but I also can't guarantee that I won't and who knows what will inspire my first proper 20K-more-worth-of-meta-than-literally-anybody-asked-for post in years?