you don't go to parties

This is gonna be the phone in bed that saves me

there actually is nothing better on this earth than a really big tree. except for maybe making two men making out with tongue. but it’s pritty close ..

finding a new doctor. applying for jobs. searching for apartments. messaging used car dealers. getting your health insurance to do their job. getting a pharmacy to do their job. getting the dmv to accept the documents they told you to bring. just listing things they probably make you do in hell

many of the ppl who are good at something have practiced copiously. practice copiously!!! you do not have to be naturally talented at something to do it well!!!!

being able to go to work with hickeys and bite marks on your neck is a human right.

the thing about fruit flies is that in the abstract, they live peaceful and irreproachable lives nibbling on overripe fruit and its attending microbes, but practically speaking they awaken some sort of primordial rage within me. Get off my bananas you little fucks

you have to remember it's always always worse on twitter